For example, “The gratification is not in the sex but in the fact that they have monetary power…” is an astonishingly lazy thing to write. Do you honestly believe that men who pay for sex don’t do it for sexual gratification?

It’s a very old-fashioned feminist cliche to claim that men pay for sex merely to exercise power over women. Power might be part of the kick for some, but the sole motivation? Come off it. There are a million and one reasons men and women enjoy sex, whether or not money is changing hands. A popular one: because it feels good.

I recommend you read Elizabeth Pisani’s excellent book on prostitution and HIV/AIDS, “The Wisdom of Whores” for a realistic view of the whole business from an epidemiologist whose job it is to have one.

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I know you mentioned that subpar men should be settling for larger women, but that’s just a ridiculous idea. Either gender shouldn’t be sticking to the people who they’re similar looking to. You should always ( always! ) try to get someone you’re happy with. You’re saying that men are intimidated by larger women, but generally speaking, we just don’t find them attractive. Don’t get me wrong, there’s beautiful large women, but people don’t find large people attractive. Don’t try and say that we’re intimidated by bigger people, when it’s just that they’re not attractive. I know it sounds totally cruel and callous, but I find bigger women pretty, so I don’t see me as cold.

So why should a man settle for a woman he doesn’t find attractive, when he can simply get away for a while and get exactly what he wants?

It’s like saying, ” Oh I have the money for this car, and I really want it, but I think this one is more like my style. ” In the end, it’s getting what you want that makes you happy, so I think we should all strive for that, whether you’re a man or a woman. Of course, I stand against doing it if you have a lover, or if it can ruin your work/family life. And I know you say Emily that the prostitutes life will be ruined by us, but she’s already in the business, and either way, her life is going to be that way.

Lastly, about the issue of STDs: Prostitution is a business that’s been around since Ancient Rome and Egypt. You haven’t given any facts or statistics on the STD rate among sex tourists or prostitutes, and until you do, you’re hypothetical situation is just that.

That’s my only problem with this article: there’s no statistics, no personal stories, no studies, just you saying all these hypothetical situations. Just as you hypothesize that buying a woman gives a man a sense of power, I can say that being a prostitute gives a woman a sense of sexual importance. It’s not something that you can vouch for or generalize.

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What would be great is that you talk about that “closer look”. Exactly what is it that you did that got you closer?

Your comments are rather normal, predictable comments about prostitution and male power/domination (surprised?), plus the usual stereotype of fat smelly white males, and weak, subdued women, for “local” color . Hard to think that all these thoughts were not already yours even before you took a “closer look”.

How much better would it be if we could put a name, a face (even if imagined), a story to your “closer look”, rather than these generalities, with very little sourcing to what you advance, that one hardly needs to go to teach english in a foreign country to put them down on paper, and not be entirely off target.

Your paragraph on aids incidence seems to touch upon local sex work, but you hardly mention we here veer from sex tourim to the more horrible conditions in sleazy thai brothels, that are never patronized by foreigners, yet constitute truly the bulk, not the tip, of the proverbial iceberg, as far as prostitution is concerned in Asia.

Your mention of profiting at someone else’s expense and health has little to do with sex tourism. Hundred of millions of poor people are so exploited around the world, and they do not have to sell their bodies. Most of the women in the sex trade probably would not have another better choice than being exploited, either by a drunk husband, a sleazy factory boss, or damaging their health in sweatshop type work environment, if exiting the sex trade.

Sorry, I think one real story of one woman in that trade, one befriending on your part of a sex worker to tell that story, would have shown a valid authenticity, a deeper concern on your part for these women, away from these trite and predictable comments.

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Just some comments, Daniel. I agree that some men pay for the services of a sex worker because they have little experience, or like “thin” women, or feel they need some sort of variety. This however, points out some insecurities in their psyche which in turn, are put on women and others involved in the trade, and as well distracts from the pressing issue of finding real solutions to poverty.

Unfair? Well, we have to look at who is gaining from this, and I don’t think it is the women/others involved in the long run (though maybe short term) depending on how you define “gain”. If “gain” is defined as simply money, then I think sex work accomplishes its goal for the sex worker, but we also have to look at the broader definition of it, the dangers involved, even to other people besides the man paying for it, and whether or not sex work puts women (and some men) in a higher social position in the end.

The ‘thin” argument is also one I take particular issue with…are some men so intimidated by a large woman, and so willing to be bullied by their limited concept of culture, that fat women are seen as scary and undesirable? For men who are attracted to only “thin” women (and many are not), get a life and grow up, guys! Real men are not afraid to date women who dare to take up space, and those are the kind that most women like. No wonder they go to Thailand to seek out a thin woman- the sometimes larger Western ones have been long fed up with them, and the Thai ones will do the same the moment they figure out what kind of character they are dealing with! Some people think that Thai women will put up with more- guess again…they’re pretty damn smart. I have watched brothel relationships turn into “real” relationships, and a couple years down the road, the men figure out that women are the same everywhere- and yes, they like to be respected, and if they aren’t, out come the tricks and boy they’re in trouble, not to mention a few bucks shorter than they were to begin with! “Karma quickens” as they say;O So, it IS about power in my view, Daniel, at least in part.

Anyways…I think that’s all. Thanks for yoru comments.

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However one phrase caught me regarding the man’s motives to pay for sex. I’m not completely convinced it because they can feel “monetary power” or “power gratification” by having sex, and paying for it.

Men may also cheat on their wives, even without paying. My initial reaction is that there is a different feeling (as for a man anyway) being with someone you don’t know so well. Variety adds spice to life. Perhaps they want to experience being with a Asian or thin (as many Asian girls are thin) girl. Another reason could be that these men didn’t have much experience when they were younger.

There’s also the argument that it is in a men’s physic to “spread their gene-pool”, through having sex with as many different girls as possible.

..I agree there are “goals” behind some of these reasons, however I don’t believe pure “power gratification” is at work here. I think “power gratification” would be showing off they can afford to drive an expensive flashy car, as one example.

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We can accept that…

the world is full of oppression, and that oppression, as complicated as it is, is something we would like to fight against, even if we slide forwards and back wards, and also, that this IS the nature of power- confused. The important thing is how hard we try to shift the power balance, and the process by which we do that, and the courage that we use in doing so. Feeling guilty about our Nike’s just doesn’t cut it, or feeling guilty about using the services of another for our power gratification (and it’s not really all about sex, because most people who go to prostitutes are married, so sex is right there lyin’ up in the bed most of the time).

Part of “acceptance” means that we attempt to creatively deal with these things, and to express how we feel as much as what we KNOW, and to brainstorm better ways of being.

My ideas come out of my experience as a woman, and out of compassion for problems in this world, rather than some hell-bent agenda to destroy men. After all- and i hope you would agree- not all of them are power-crazed jerks.

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You’re right- truth be told, I’m a proud consumer of exploitative chocolate. As for some of your other points, I’d have to disagree.

As a woman, whether because of my “feminist morality” or other maladies, I view the world’s exploitation of the female body as somewhat more personalized than a chocoholics ravaging of a milk bar. Call me crazy. And never assume that I am speaking from my ivory tower of university education. Even us educated ladies have occasionally got the down and out financial blues and may or may not have dabbled in the industry and felt some type of way about it.

It is simplistic to a) assume that i completed detached from the issue as a woman, and b) as a woman who has spent considerable time in Thailand watching it go on, amidst other exploitations. I just think it would be really nice if mass numbers of women, girls, men, boys, whoever, didn’t have to lay down for anyone- dream of a day. At the same time I recognize that it can be empowering to earn money from such a venture given that there are sometimes few options besides poverty (as disempowering sometimes as sexual exploitation itself).

This is a very complicated issue, not one that can be divvied into “evil feminists” and ’sex tourist conspirators”. In short, give me a break, Tom. I’ve at least attempted to deal with the issue, unlike many people, who travel to Thailand or wherever else (maybe down Main street here) and feel something is wrong with the big picture of how women have historically, and now, had to enslave themselves, but say nothing.

When you have a) been in the position where you have had to consider the option of being a sex worker, and have experienced oppression to do with your vagina first hand- and I assume you don’t have one, unless “Tom” is a female name or b) have had to work with and live with a certain brand of sex/power fiend six or seven days a week, then please put your pen to use. Men have the opportunity to be empowering as well, by questioning power dynamics which are harmful to others, not by justifying an industry which inherently enslaves both men and women in different ways. My article was meant to be a starting point for this discussion.

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I assume that you do not wear running shoes, jewelry, or any other products manufactured by industries known to use slave labor. After all, your Nikes and diamond rings are brought to you courtesy of “people [who] are smuggled and then forced into the trade, either by lack of any other option, or [...] even by their family members, who may be desperate for a piece of the profit.”

In fact, if you’ve eaten chocolate – come on, are you going to tell me you’ve never had chocolate? – you have directly supported slavery, since over 40% of the world’s cocoa supply comes from Cote’D'Ivorie, where over 15,000 CHILDREN work as slaves on cocoa farms.

I suppose one could argue that not all chocolate is the product of forced labor, or that not all jogging shoes are made in sweatshops by children literally chained to the work area… but then one would also have to concede that not all prostitution is services are provided by kidnapped sex workers — in which case the only objection to the practice AS A WHOLE can only be based on your own Christian/Western/feminist morality.

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