The Brave New Traveler Guide To Hostel Sex will get you out of the dorms and into sweaty, awkward bliss faster than you can say “light my fire”.
What do you get when you drop a few dozen backpackers into a hostel, soak with beer and mix in a healthy dose of liberation from social norms?
A tidal wave of hormones…and one major problem: where to go to get it on?
Unless you’re a flamboyant exhibitionist, nothing puts a damper on romantic relations like company. Dorms are almost never empty, and even when they are, the likelihood of someone barging in makes anything more than surreptitious groping an impossibility.
If you’re hankering to slide the key into the ignition and get your motor firing on all cylinders, you need to get creative, and get out of the dorms.
Unless you’re a flamboyant exhibitionist, nothing puts a damper on romantic relations like company.
First of all, let’s consider the options in and around the hostel.
Every hostel has hidden nooks and crannies that offer enough space and privacy for at least a hasty knee-trembler. You can be sure the hostel staff know about these spots, but unless you’re hooking up with one of them, asking for directions is bad form.
The trick is to know where to look, and to scout locations in advance if you’re feeling lucky. Here are some possibilities:
The Laundry Room
Most hostels have a laundry room that is abandoned at night. If you’re feeling naughty, the stacks of fresh-smelling sheets and towels make an ideal love-nest.
The more considerate and hygienic option is to make use of the sturdy appliances, with the woman sitting on top of the washer / dryer. (Extra points for spin cycle).
The Roof
When checking into your next hostel, take a look around and see if there’s any way to access the roof. Overhanging trees are one possibility, as are upstairs windows with broad sills from which you can pull yourself up to the rooftop.
Of course safety is important, and you shouldn’t take unnecessary risks, but you’d be surprised at how many hostel roofs are accessible with a little ingenuity.
And once you’re up there – well, the sky is the limit.
The Bathroom
OK, maybe it’s not the most romantic location, but most hostels have bathrooms that lock. As long as the floor and toilet are reasonably clean, you can shut yourselves inside and bump uglies to your heart’s content.
Even open bathrooms with several stalls offer the possibility of a quickie – just ask Senator Larry Craig.
The best position is for the guy to sit on the toilet while the girl sits in his lap – this way she can lift her legs off the floor if someone comes in, so that from the outside it looks like just one person is in the stall.
The Broom Closet
If the laundry room is locked, the roof is inaccessible and the thought of sex in a bathroom stall makes you queasy, the hostel broom closet is a classic option.
The main problems with the broom closet are that nothing more than a standing position is possible, mop handles have a way of whacking you in the head at inopportune moments and the smell of high-test floor cleaner can make you pass out.
The key is to be quick (if you’re screwing in a broom closet I doubt this will be a problem).
Don’t have sex in the hostel kitchen. No one wants traces of mystery juice in their stir-fry.
The Kitchen
Don’t have sex in the hostel kitchen. Just don’t. People cook food in the kitchen. No one wants traces of mystery juice in their stir-fry.
Plus, hostel kitchens aren’t as private as you might think. Even at 4 am you can bet that someone will be looking for a midnight snack, and nothing ruins an appetite like the sight of bare asses bouncing on the counter.
Seriously, don’t have sex in the kitchen.
The Great Outdoors
If your hostel has a backyard, look for a shadowy spot behind a tree.
Better yet, if you’re in a semi-rural area, get out of the hostel grounds entirely. A copse of trees can provide all the privacy you need, and a lonesome beach is even more enticing.
Just remember to snag a towel or a bed-sheet from the hostel before running naked down the sand.
Get A Room Already!
Look, I know you’re on a tight budget. But I guarantee that a few years down the road, when you’re married and have a mortgage, you won’t regret having dropped a couple extra bills for a night of passion.
In many countries, like Japan and Taiwan, there is the ‘love-hotel’ option, where you can rent a fantasy-themed room by the hour. Otherwise, just jump in a cab and ask the driver to take you to a guesthouse or motel.
As usual, Mark Twain sums it up best, “10 years from now you will be more disappointed by the people you haven’t done than by the ones you have, so cast off the panties, sail away from the hostel dorm – explore, dream, get laid!”
Where’s the most creative place your “friend” has ever had sex? Shock and titillate us by leaving a comment below!
BNT contributing editor Tim Patterson travels with a sleeping bag and pup tent strapped to the back of his folding bicycle. His articles and travel guides have appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle, Get Lost Magazine, Tales Of Asia and Traverse Magazine. Check out his Matador profile.About the Author
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148 Comments... join the discussion!
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Im from Dallas, TX. Im 22yo male.
Last year i lived in Ghana, West Africa. It was life fucking changing…no pun intended! Anyways I had some sex…some fantastic sex! The craziest spot was in an abandoned school in a little town called Hohoe! This is where all of the rhastas would meet and get “Irie”. It was situated behind this little bar that would blast Bob Marley from the loud speakers. There was no roof…just the beautiful African night sky…some Bob…a gorgeous european woman with flowing blonde hair down to her ass…and it was all IRIE!!!↵ -
These are some good ideas but I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned how important it is to use a condom.
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Mark Twain did not say that. Get your facts straight.
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Seriously Donna…it was a joke…it was a real quote from Mark Twain, that the author of this old ass article changed just a tad…to be funny!
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I once had sex in my friends small walk in closet, while my friend and his parents walked in and out of the room. A little risky, but twice as much fun!! Although you can’t sigh like a old man after you cum!!
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Most interesting places I’ve ever gotten any have been in bar bathrooms, on the pool table after close, in the park at sun-up with drunks walking by. Once in the back of a taxi while en route it wasn’t sex but nearly in the back of a taxi…anywhere you can discretely have a piss in public is a place you can have sex. Trick is getting women to wear a skirt, or better yet a sundress, then you can have sex pretty much anywhere with anyone watching and it just looks like you’re cuddling or making out, especially if there’s booze involved.
Most of the time I’ve gotten too hot and bothered to care who was around, have found the same with partners.
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On behalf of everyone who has ever worked at a hostel, let me just say it is so frustrating (and so hilarious) to walk in on people on a weekly basis. Our hostel in particular had a loft in our laundry room where we stored extra duvets and pillows – it was like the love shack up there. Also our movie room, which gets ‘locked’ during the wee hours. Let it be said, hostel staff were the culprits most of the time because they had access to the keys.
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Carnaval in brazil, easy as pie, hooked up with a girl, walk down the beach for a couple of minutes and that’s there.
Late night, a fully lighted square, no one around but it’s just a matter of time till someone showed up.
At the very back of a house in a house party. Clothes on the ground to reduce contact with debris and rock and roll.
In a car in broad daylight in one of the most crowded places in the city. It was pissing down with rain though, foggy windows and people only worried about hiding from the rain.
hehe, the list goes on….
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I was part of a youth volunteer program this past year where I met my current boyfriend. Doing it in the house was always risky (we lived with 9 or 10 other people for almost a year)…so we had to find other places to go. I’ll make a list…
- School bus at night (they’re only broom tripped, it’s very easy to open the back emergency door and sneak in). We had at least 7 to chose from (we lived near a parking lot where they parked some busses for the night).
- Park bench at night
- Outside out house facing a busy street, at night
- In the group van (we had one van that we all used…we would steal the keys and fog up the windows pretty quickly
- In the living room
- In a park in the afternoon with kids playing soccer and baseball nearby. This was my personal favourite. We’d bring some blankets, my ipod and a speaker and we found this great little spot kind of over looking a pretty big park and we’d just set everything out and go at it. It was awesome.
- Bathroom of our house
- Play sturcture at night
- School field at night (we’d have to hop a fence for this one)
I like to think we were pretty adventurous. It was all amazing.
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I remember while traveling around south africa for a month with my gf we stopped in durban for a few nights at a hostel next to the beach that i cant remember the name of, we had some fantastic sex there but one particular night we were using the comunual showers an there were ppl next to us on the left an the right and we were both horny so we got it on in the showers, standing, kneeling anything we could think of. surrounded by knowing/unknowing ppl what a turn on! haha good times
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stairwell of hostel 639 in London 08 baby…
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There was a theme park in North Miami back in the fifties that had a western town with a coffin in the funeral home We managed to slip ourselves into the coffin and pull the lid down and we rocked that sucker for about fifteen minutes at the least. When we opened the lid there were about ten kids standing there so we shut the lid and waited. Ten minutes later there were 20 people standing there and we squeezed out and headed for the exit!
Try beating this one!!
It’s the truth so help me!↵ -
My GF and I were on the way to a ski resort and found the rocking motion in the bathroom of the greyhound bus to be a perfect combination for a quickie.
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My GF and I were on the way to a ski resort and found the rocking motion in the bathroom of the greyhound bus to be a perfect combination for a quickie.
thank you sir.
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Nothing beats the great outdoors for some Nooky, and if you dont mind an audience just do to it on your bed at the hostel.
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I met a Canadian girl in Barcelona, we were so drunk that we had sex in the hotel’s room.. At the time there was nobody, but after everyone came in and saw us, let’s say, dancing! so crazy..
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….. my girlfriend and I were hiking up this creek and we came to a waterfall. It was spring run off time in the rockies and the water at this point was raging.
We had out picnic and wanted some dessert and after a few tokes decided we wanted to get it on.
The rocks were literally vibrating beneath us as me made love. At orgasm I actually screamed like Tarzan – totally out of character but so visceral – awesome!
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in a ten ppl dorm , with yet only 3 others inside …. and a massivly shaking and squeaking bed… awesome
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In the upstairs keg storage room of the Temple Bar in Dublin.
Amazing…↵ -
- In a washroom stall at work (where I met my girlfriend)
- There was this freight train that was stopped for almost a year next to my place.
We climbed the ladder and got it on.
- On a rock overlooking the city night at the top of a small mountain.
- On a train bridge at night when there seemed to be no trains rolling.
- Something I had always dreamed of, finally happened… Basically, I met a girl who was doing a pubcrawl with tourists. The group left and she decided to stay. We ended up talking about fantasies. Hers was a bathroom stall… not so special. I told her, high places. She said, like what? I said, the top of a crane. She said, I saw a construction site with a crane not far just earlier. I laughed and said let’s go! In my mind I was thinking, she’s probably just f__king with me and we’ll end up in a park or something. She actually brought me to a construction site. That bitch was crazy. We had to get around a “ladder barrier” that had some sort of lock so nobody can just climb the ladder. Was quite easy, more surprisingly.. she was first! It literally took us almost a half hour to get to the top. There were around 10 platforms between the ladders. At the 5th we were getting pretty exhausted. So we stopped and made out for a bit. Then we went up a few more, madeout again. Almost started getting it on, i didnt care anymore i wanted to fuck right there. She said no, higher. We get to the top. So windy, pretty freaky. F__king WILD. There wasnt much to stand, sit, or lie on apart from a metal box thing. We tried getting in the operator cabin but it was locked… surprisingly.
All I have to say is…. f__king WILD. The wind blowing, the girl screaming with pleasure and excitement. I felt like a king, the king of the city, downtown-core, on a f__king CRANE.I think that is one of the most radical things I have ever done.
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floating down the iowa river on an air mattress! one fine summer day…
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in a bar in bourbon street new orleans
they had bouncers guarding the toilets
so that was our first choice ruled out
she sat me in a chair in the quietish
backroom and said “let me know if anyone comes”
and down she went. we were spoted bu the compair
who could see over the crowd to the back room
from the stage. and came right over i let the girl know
we had company she sorted herself out and he came over
and asked me if i had finished when i said no he directed us to a shaddowy
spot under the stairs and stood guard!
I LOVE NEW ORLEANS↵ -
The stairwell of the Senate Dirsken Office Building in Washington D.C. Thankfully, John McCain didn’t decide to take the stairs that evening becuase it was his intern I was doing.
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When I was in Germany there was this very attractive woman (who i later learned was married, but unhappy) who after one night at a Beltane festival saw fit to take me into the woods, say 30 or so feet off this walking path. We’re going at it when a family, mom dad two kids and grandma, go walking by! The mother was trying to ignore the fact we were there while shielding the kids, dad was trying to look without getting caught by his wife, and grandma smiled and gave us a wave. That made my f’ing day, grandma waved while we’re having sex in the middle of the woods near midday. glorious
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Most creative place? For me (& past girlfriend) the would be on the side of a cliff in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Over a boulder, to be specific. Not gonna lie, it was pretty sexy doin’ it in the great outdoors.
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@John M Edwards….. Hostel isn’t a Tarantino movie
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Bathroom at St. Christophers near London Bridge. Hooked up with a hot australian chick in the backpackers bar right next to the hostel
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In the shower, in a hostel. But the cabin locked so there weren’t any problems. And yeah, in the train … that was the “weirdest” experience. We had to find creative ways to keep the compartment door closed
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In a canoe on a stream right next to the lake.
In a cave we found while we were hiking around.
The sauna in the apartment complex (very hot)↵ -
At 19, I met a really attractive young woman with large breasts at a party in Waikiki. Earlier, she had been hit on by a friend, she turned him down. As for me, we hit it off and after a while where feeling the urge. I didn’t want to take her back inside because he would have seen us making our way to the bedrooms. It was 2 AM and there was a full moon, so I took her down on the beach. We took off our clothes and jumped in the water. We swam around for a while then embraced. I picked her up above the thigh deep water she rapped herself around me. I still remember the moonlight reflecting off the water on her skin. Amazing!
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This was funny, yes nobod wants mystery juices in their stir fry.
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In the communal outdoor hottub of my friend’s apartment complex around dusk. This was something of a “High Scale” condo-type complex and me and my GF at the time went swiming. Getting cold we hopped over to the hottub and soon enough we were getting it on. Occasionally a resident would wander by, but it looked like we were just getting cozy and nothing more. Pretty wild to be outdoors in public!
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I gotta say the best spots i’ve gotten were in the boys bathroom in the high school and again in the upstairs hallway by the weight room during lunch lol
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in a cheep baseball dug out, a week later they switched it to chain link fence cause an old man saw us and reported it to the cops, it was crazy and we got off scott free
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Best sex ever was in a hostel bathroom in London, to bad the air vent went into the common room and everybody could here me scream.
The room isn’t that bad either, bunk beds and 3 sleepers in the room just makes it more fun.↵ -
Best sex ever was in a hostel bathroom in London, to bad the air vent went into the common room and everybody could hear me scream.
The room isn’t that bad either, bunk beds and 3 sleepers in the room just makes it more fun.↵ -
I went to Rome, met an australian guy, we wanted to have sex, but the room was full, so we went to the showers, there we could lock the door so there was no problem, though a little weird ’cause there was people also showering (it was like 7 am)…then we went back to the room, slept a bit, and at 12 there was nobody left in the room so we had sex there again!
You can try in the room, and you won’t have any other hostel guests there between 11 and 1 o’clock because of the check-in and check-out, or they are just probably sightseeing…and maybe housekeeping wont get in the room if they see/hear you.
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I own a hostel in sao Paulo and I hire mostly foreigners to work. But we all live here aswell. An American guy asked me What if he get lucky where should he go.
So now the staff knows they can do it down at the bar couch after it’s closed. I even tried it myself once. Quite fun. But it’s a leather couch.
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Broad daylight in the middle of nowhere (we thought) on a little tractor path between rice paddies in Korea in the backseat of my Hyundai. She was hugely embarrassed, but I could not stop laughing when an old farmer and his wife had to squeeze by to walk past my car. They kept looking back at us, watching the car shake and my white ass bouncing up and down! The old man was grinning and the old woman shook her head in disapproval. Then she saw her husband’s expression and smacked him on the arm with her bag of vegetables.
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