Like many in my generation, I am putting off a regular job and taking the time to find my passion before I have to settle down.
Photo by xwhitelie
It’s been 4 years since I graduated from college.
My immigrant family had envisioned that I would now have an established career, a house and plan on settling down within the next few years.
Instead, I have spent my post-college years pursuing international travel, funded by short-term employment, while maintaining residence at chez les parents.
It’s hardly the life that I, much less my family, envisioned when I left home for college.
My parents, both UC Berkeley graduates in engineering who grew up in Hong Kong, had high hopes for me, their firstborn child, to follow in their footsteps.
In fact, it was assumed that I could accomplish much more because I grew up in middle-class America, as opposed to the tenements of Kowloon City, Hong Kong.
But while most of my relatives have made comfortable lives for themselves and their families despite their humble beginnings, I have yet to settle into a full-time job and have no concrete plans for the future – aside from more traveling.
A Lifelong Passion
I remember staring at the world map in our hallway, wondering if I would ever journey to those distant lands.
I was groomed to be a global citizen from the time I was a child. I began to develop a keen ear for languages at family gatherings, where I was exposed to Cantonese, various regional Cantonese dialects, Mandarin and English.
My parents enrolled me in Chinese classes, though reading and writing the language was a challenge I never mastered. I also picked up Spanish on Sesame Street and in school.
I remember staring at the world map in our hallway, wondering if I would ever journey to those distant lands.
I heard about the exotic travels of friends and relatives, but was told that I could not pursue such adventures unless I had a well-paying job.
I was always aware that my parents’ childhood in Kowloon City, Hong Kong’s equivalent of Brooklyn, was one without the opportunities that my sister and I had. For them, a ferry ride across the harbor to Hong Kong Island was a big deal.
Even my older cousins consider foreign travel to be extravagant, something they could not have fathomed during their childhoods or as young adults. It wasn’t until after they finished college and worked for many years that they began to dream of exotic journeys.
International Awareness
I documented my grand plans for international travel in a Spanish essay in high school.
Photo by Kevin
It was wishful thinking at the time, but I knew that I wanted to fulfill those plans sooner rather than later. Other people may have been content staying at home and not traveling until they were in their 40s, but I could not fathom such a long wait.
For college, I wound up at Eleanor Roosevelt College of UC San Diego, which emphasized international awareness and strongly encouraged its students to study abroad. In the summer after my third year, I participated in an internship program in London.
Even before I returned to San Diego for my final year of college, all I could think about was going abroad again. What I valued most while in Europe was the close proximity to other countries, each with their own distinct languages, cultures and customs.
Growing up in the United States, I could travel across the continent without encountering vast differences as I would have in Europe or Asia.
It became increasingly apparent that the world was a fascinating place, and I wanted to acquaint myself with the myriad of cultures inhabiting the earth.
The Value of Travel
Travel teaches me many things I will never learn in a classroom. I am forced to tackle challenges such as adjusting to new languages and customs, orienting myself to new cities and transportation systems, and appreciating different cuisines.
Travel teaches me many things I will never learn in a classroom. I am happiest while traveling.
I have also learned to make sense of the historical, political, and cultural complexities other countries. I do not want to possess an outdated or ignorant perspective on the world like many of my countrymen, and travel is the best way to prevent that from happening.
Though it sounds boastful, such experiences are an accomplishment unmatched by previous generations of my family.
Yes, I’ve been given lectures about how I need to get serious and forget about traveling. I should get a real job that pays well and provides benefits, they say, and think more about the future.
But the bottom line is that I am happiest while traveling, and my dream job is to be a travel writer, just as the dream job of many of my relatives was to become engineers.
A Generation Gap
Like many members of my generation, I am putting off the commitment to a regular job and taking the time to find my passion and enjoy life before I have to settle down.
I have also encountered individuals who are unhappy with their jobs and envy the freedom I have to escape a monotonous day-to-day routine and travel the world for extended periods of time.
My coworkers encourage my pursuits, knowing that there is much to be gained from these experiences. My parents, who initially found it difficult to accept my choice, now support me because I am doing what makes me happy.
In the end, life is about the choices we make.
Some people dream of owning a luxury car or the latest electronic gadgets. Others would rather save for a house and family.
I am choosing to take the time to learn about the many cultures and peoples inhabiting the earth, and am happy to put the rest of my life on hold to do so.
Have you also shunned the career in favour of travel? Share your experiences in the comments!
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17 Comments... join the discussion!
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Every time I’m face to face with my parents or even my brother, there’s this unspoken sense of disappointment… I still haven’t been able to convince them that there’s an alternative to the life they consider to be the only road. I was mentioning to my mother the other day I was considering quitting my job (abroad, of course) and searching for a more active outdoor position during the day, saying, “I’m slowly forgetting what it’s like to go out during the day.”
A small laugh, then “that’s called growing up.”
Sad, really, but I couldn’t make her the flaw of that statement. It’s all she knew when she was my age.
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I’m about to graduate from a top-10 U.S. college, and I’m putting off the real world for a couple of years as well to work in the Middle East…good to hear others are doing the same.
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I really love this post. I totally understand you – the expectations of our Asian families appear to be the same across all Asian countries. Our “road map of life” usually is set before we even leave primary school. This is why, I really enjoyed reading your post. Now that I am married with children, and living in Australia – I don’t plan to impose the same type of expectations on my own children. In fact, I tell often enough that one can learn so much from travelling the world…..
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It doesn’t change even when you get older. I left an established career when I was 40 to pursue a freelance life on all levels. My father called it a Mid-life crisis. My baby brother thinks it’s inspiring. He’s getting divorced and comtemplating a similar existence. Having my degree, an eceltic resume and the adaptability to work and live anywhere makes it easier than most people realize. I wouldn’t trade the adventures the past six years for anything. Your folks will come to understand I think. Mine have.
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I can relate to this post but I think, as I was primarily raised by my grandfather and dad, that they are both at an age where they are more accepting of my wanderlust especially since my grandfather has become a freelance photographer these days and my dad is moving abroad. But, as I enter my mid twenties, the older people around me have started the “when I was your age…” lectures. And it doesn’t help when my friends are starting to get married! My dad started the “when I was your age” lecture about two years ago when to his consternation I decided to double major instead of going straight to grad school but the lecture backfired on him and I haven’t heard the “when I was your age” lecture since.
When I was your age I was changing your diapers.
What are you saying? Are you saying I should go out and get knocked up?
What? Wait, noooooo that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you have no responsibilities. No one in the world lives like you. When I was your age you were walking.
Hey man, no one told you to knock up my mother when you were my age so deal with it.
Argh, I can’t talk to you. You do what you want.
Okay, I will.
Now my family’s main concern is that I won’t have enough financial stablity. And, they’ve stopped pushing an accounting job at me if only my mom would stop telling me to go to medical school.
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When I was your age I was changing your diapers.
What are you saying? Are you saying I should go out and get knocked up?
Haha nice! Works every time…
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Wow… truer words have never been written. I am with you 100%. I feel for you because I can relate exactly to this feeling, need to be traveling, exploring, discovering. It makes a regular day job almost unbearable. It’s always something. If I had more money, if I weren’t so in debt, if my family didn’t feel I was abandoning them… there are so many factors that affect the decisions we make in our lives. My parents have finally accepted my incessant love for traveling, but they’d probably never understand how one could justify leaving a steady job for the uncertain life of a wanderer– regardless of how much the world can teach you. And that’s really sad because travel is the best kind of education anyone can get.
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Nice article, but the first thing that struck me as odd when I started reading this was this line: “I am putting off a regular job and taking the time to find my passion before I have to settle down.” On one hand you are resisting the mainstream culture of what you are “supposed” to do in life, but then you are giving in again by saying you “have to settle down”. One of the biggest things that bothers me is when people say things like “it’s great you are getting this out of the way before you settle down” – I am not getting anything out of the way…this is life! There is no one way to live, therefore there is no having to do anything…as long as you aren’t bothering anyone else, that is.
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I am also happiest traveling. But i also agree with the above poster…just a bit. the more i travel the more i realize i’ll never really settle into that american supposed to lifestyle. I’ve met lots of people who do the gap year and then go back to do the same thing, sit in the cubicle, and move on. I think thats a shame- its like the trip was just a checklist. Not that I thin that of you. I’m just thinking outloud.
great article and I can relate to a lot of what ur saying.
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I’ve never experienced the downside of travel, in terms of life experience. I was 43 when I quit a well-paid and secure job, to everyone’s dismay. A woman, on her own, with no job?! My family was scared, my friends were shocked – at my age, I’d never find work again, would I… (though now I think some of their misgivings may have been tinged with envy)
I thought I’d try it for six months, and wound up being away for three years. I became a freelance writer, and while I wasn’t striking it rich, it kept me on the road.
And when I decided to come back, guess what? I got a better job, with a higher salary, than the one I’d left. Even if I hadn’t, my experience was the single most important thing I’ve ever done for myself. And I’d do it again.
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i ran away from home when i was 15 because my mum didnt want me to go, i had no choice but to just go and off to finland i went. that one trip changed my life for the better, and i learned so much from it that you cant in a class room. now im a travel presenter on the tv! its just amazing!
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Excellent story. Im hoping to be able to take a break from the 9-5 and travel for a while and come back and work for myself.
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it’s been 5 years since i graduated and i definitely haven’t settled down. it only took one year of 9-5 for me to visualize my entire life behind a desk, with bad lighting, battling traffic twice a day, and dealing with petty office politics. problem is, with every passing year, i feel more and more pressure to be ‘normal’ (or grow up, settle down, whatever it’s called) and… ugh… settle down. and as chrystine commented, i don’t think the urge to travel, explore, and learn will ever go away! we only live once, right?
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Hi first time comment, I am loving this site – really inspiring. Especially enjoyed this post
I’ve been pushed down the career route by my parents too. I’m 18, just done my first year at university and decided never to go back to the course – its so boring and the career path only leads to more boredom and miserable routine. I’ve seen it – my family are the perfect example.
I’ve decied to take a year out, save some money and then go and experiance the world outsite this empty culture. I’ve got the courage to disobey my parents but whenever I talk about leaving my course and travelling there is a big argument. I’m told I’m being selfish, immature, unrealistic and that I have to become part of the ‘real world’. I am conflicted, are my parents completely deluded about this ‘real world’ and being unfair or do I have an ethical right to do something I want even if it disappoints my parents? Your thoughts please
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I thought I would weigh in on this important topic… So here goes…
Like quite a few people I took a gap year after I left school at eighteen and worked saving up money for travelling. Then I went to South America for nearly six months, doing all sorts of things from volunteering, to travelling to going to Spanish School. My parents didn’t want me to go but ultimately knew it would be worse for them to forbid me. I’ve since returned home and am now in college aged twenty one and although my parents wish I had never gone as now I see the world in an untraditional perspective, (ie. why would I want to settle down and get a mortgage any time soon?) I’ve come to realise two things.
One, the way I see the world and wanting to not stick to the traditional path was always there bubbling under the surface and experiencing time away out of the path just consolidated it.
Two, parents are falliable, insecure and worriers. They are not perfect and if you parents are dead set against you going, its probably because they are scared for you and maybe even a little jealous that they can’t just pick up and go. Put yourself in their shoes, your precious little kid (in their eyes) is taking off without a plan or a safety net. It’s got to be scary for them.
Ultimately going away was the best thing I ever did and I now look forward to a future that I have carved out rather than sticking to the traditional route.
Just my two cents
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Nick-
Your “Real World” can be anything YOU want it to be. You just have to have the courage to make it what you want it to be.↵
