Culture Dash: to get away from the soul-numbing influence of television, fast food, and consumerism.
Photo by Mikael Damkier
After today, I can’t wait to sprint away from American culture.
I have decided to visit Europe in two weeks; I consider it a Culture Dash.
A Culture Dash is a rapid dash away from the culture of a country. This can be accomplished by traveling far away from the familiar.
You can go to Paris for a Dash, or you can go meet the new neighbors, or you can get away from it all inside your own brain.
This last type of purely mental Dash is a bit tricky, as it requires you to ignore important cultural icons such as Matt Lauer, Oprah, and the Bush family.
Why the urge to dash?
Recently, I spent 10 minutes watching The Today Show, and quickly found myself gasping for another culture like a fish out of water. In the span of ten minutes, the one person who spoke of the soul reaching its true potential and other issues I deem important was… Madonna.
She alone spoke sense.
The rest of the time, I was invited to play one of the seven video games on Today.com; note that more than 6 in 10 American women are calorie prisoners and secret eaters; wonder if text messaging is really the best way for families to stay in touch; and bid Matt farewell on his trip to discover other cultures while keeping up our manic schedule.
I was enticed to experience Chili’s Bottomless Express Lunch, including Big Mouth Bites and Kickin’ Chicken, with unlimited refills!
Leave It All Behind
After my Culture Dash, I will not need to Create My Own Combo. Bye bye American fries, Bonjour pâtisseries of Paris.
After my Culture Dash, I will sit at a sidewalk café under a bright awning, amid red geraniums. I shall sip a Bordeaux and nibble at soft cheese and fresh baked bread.
I will not need to Create My Own Combo. Bye bye American fries, Bonjour pâtisseries of Paris.
I have many options this day in America. I could carry with me Neo-to-go, to protect my kids from evil germs-every cut, every time, everywhere!
After my Culture Dash to Paris, I can view motherhood from the perspective of the French, who regard “the insane sort of perfectionistic and hyper-controlling behaviors” that American mothers engage in today as Perfect Madness.
Today I could practice the codes used in texting, so I could be a hip parent. God forbid I assume LOL means “lots of love”.
I have a sneaking suspicion my kids would much prefer to have me in the dark about their codes, no matter how hip I wannna be. GTG on a Culturedash.
Right this very moment I can whiten my teeth “anywhere I want” with Listerine White Strips, puckering up my lips at the gooey texture of slimy bleach clinging to my teeth, gums, and even lips.
Sitting right here at my computer I could rapidly develop teeth a person can see right through when I smile in a patch of sunlight.
Gotta Keep Moving
Photo by Alanishere
I want to Dash from the American obsession with perfection. I can’t wait to stride down the Champs-Elysées feeling irresistibly beautiful despite my varicose veins, wrinkly neck (which I feel bad about thanks to Nora Ephron), not to mention my dull teeth.
I live in Seattle. In my neck of the woods, there are scattered showers with low elevation snow expected in the next few days. The temperature is in the 60s right now on the Champ de Mars, the grassy, cushiony paradise I’ll sit on (post-Dash) while gazing at the intricate Eiffel Tower. Beam me there, Scotty.
I could contemplate Oprah offering the House of the Future, with features that have been in European homes for decades, such as toilets that take forever to flush, causing Americans to impatiently tap their foot. Merde!
Air France, take me away. In less than a month I’ll be at the Louvre losing myself in contemplation of Michelangelo’s perfectly carved marble male sinews and muscles (and rounded buttocks).
Another way I could spend today in the US of A would be dissecting the Clinton-Obama tussle . Hillary’s been looking refreshed after grueling weeks on the campaign trail, seemingly recovered from running the late night talk show gauntlet.
On the other hand, Barack appears visibly relieved that his pastor has finally catered to the hoards of hyper-analytical American voters by clarifying that he’s a pastor and Obama is a politician.
A Breath Of Fresh Air
It’s enough to make me admire Nicolas Sarkozy, who refreshingly refuses to attend the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics in Beijing unless China opens a dialogue with the Dalai Lama.
I wish to Dash this minute.
It’s April in America, and who can resist chuckling at the Today Show’s celebration of Earth Day. Special guests are the wife and daughters of the president who declared,“We need an energy bill that encourages consumption”.
When I am in Paris, maybe I will catch a glimpse of Sarkozy’s new wife, Carla Bruni who once dated Mick, a claim to cool our own First Lady can only feverishly fantasize about (compare the finesse of Bush’s softshoe routine on the White House steps with the sexy Jagger-esque strut).
Today’s examples of American culture are all buzzing around my head like a frenzied tangle of angry wasps: calorie prisoners, Big Mouth Bites, LOL, slithery Listerine strips, The House of the Future, Hillarack ‘08. I want to flee-to Culturedash straight to Paree.
Will you join me? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Your article reminds me how much I want to go Elvis, shoot the TV and bury it in the backyard. When did it become acceptable that Fox has to blare the commercials at twice the volume as the shows? When did it really stop being about the people watching? Did I miss something? Why should people be so desperate to RUN AWAY from the immediate quote-unquote culture? ‘Cause God knows I am, and doubt I’m alone…
Sigh. In a perfect world, you could vote on what you’d like to see on the tube.
“I think the campaign to shove the cast of The View into a tank of pirhanas has a strong platform this year…” (Picture that for a moment: doesn’t it make you smile just a little bit?)
“I dunno, sacrificing Rosie O’Donnell to the Volcano God does have its merits…” (”YAAAAGGGHKKLFFPTT!!!….” Admit it! You’re smiling! Rosie in the volcano! Woo woo woo!)
Now there’s your Must See TV.
But in between Dashes I consider barricading myself in the house to avoid all the noise and nonsense. That’s kinda sad, I think. “Hey Daniel, you’re just a snob!” Really? Neato. Tack tack tack, I’m nailing planks across the door. It’ll be almost completely zombieproof in a few months…
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“In a perfect world, you could vote on what you’d like to see on the tube.”
We already do, Daniel! With ratings. It seems the majority hearts Dr. Phil and The Bachelor… Democracy’s a fickle b*tch, huh?
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In all seriousness, though, “culture” as we see it has so much to do with perception and selection.
I was shocked to arrive in the UK and find that their daytime soaps were soapier, their reality TV even more humiliating, their fast food greasier, and their commercials even more obnoxious. Consumerism, fast food and bad TV are not exclusive to America by any means, but when we go abroad, we seek out new routines, live differently, and to a certain extent see what we want to see: a European shangri-la contrasted with our own North American wasteland. I think at times there’s a tendency to put Europe (for example) on a pedestal, while also perceiving our home selectively, emphasizing the negatives. You folks can’t really believe that there’s nothing more here than bad TV and billboards… can you?
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and defend TV. (Daniel, you’ve heard this before…) It’s mostly bad, true, but it’s not all bad. HBO, for example, puts out some fantastic programming. The bad stuff is the most popular, true, but hey – just because the Shopaholic books have outsold Dante even with his seven-century headstart, that doesn’t mean literature is a write-off, does it? Or that Britney Spears outselling Charlie Parker means music is beyond salvation? Or – wait for it – because most travelers prefer all-inclusive resorts and bus tours, that all travel is worthless and shallow?
All that being said… I loved the humor in this post!
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Boy…can I throw in with the Today Show sending me postal. Place I work part time has it on for my entire shift. I don’t have TV at home and rush to the joy of NPR as soon as I get in the house. Otherwise the flowing creek, more violets than grass in the front yard and the companionship of my 13 year old mutt have me pretty comtent in the back woods of Idaho…but have a great time in Paris. You sound like that famous Joni Mitchell lyric about a record exectutive wanting just the sort of culture dash you have planned. Bon voyage!
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I agree with Eva, there will always be times when the grass looks greener, no matter what your culture. America’s sure is good at rubbing you the wrong way, though.
And Chrystine, I too live the NPR-in-place-of-TV system, and I’ll never go back. That box is evil!
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Eva, you’re right about ratings. I’ll also agree that flash tends to sell better than things of more substance. I find it offensive that people equate quality with sales or popularity, and much prefer to live off the entertainment train track than on it.
It’s not entirely correct that I don’t watch TV, but it takes a LOT to get me interested. I can barely watch it anymore without feeling like I’m getting jerked around, and not just by the commercials. It usually has to be completely nuts like David Lynch or something like that. When Andy Kaufman refuses to read his lines on “Fridays,” or someone interrupts the local PBS station with a portable transmitter – that’s the kind of stuff that wakes me up! LOL Even the Simpsons got tame after a while. No, I don’t think all TV is crap, but there’s so little to warrant investing 22 minutes of my life for (not counting commercials) that to say I don’t watch TV isn’t misleading. The standard fare just rots my teeth and wastes my time, so I go elsewhere.
It’s been said the audience shapes the media, in that if Channel X doesn’t offer what people want, they go to Channel Z (B-52’s reference). But really, Channel Z won’t offer anything much different because they’re too gutless to go out on a limb and do something that doesn’t resemble everything else. All I’m saying is that if it doesn’t offer anything worthwhile, TURN OFF THE TUBE and get it someplace else. And that’s precisely what people do when all the stations start sounding the same.
Likewise, if you don’t get anything out of “all-inclusive resorts and bus tours,” I don’t recommend you go – you may get something out of it, but little to match your investment. Instead, I recommend you get off the bus, tell the all-inclusive where they can include it, and go it solo. It’s not travel if you don’t choose, it’s riding (bet you thought I was gonna say tourism, din’cha?).
With travel, you’ve got more choices available, and you don’t have to depend on what someone else is offering you based on majority demographics. The majority is safe, predictable, formula, and boring, and it’ll kill you one day if you don’t DIY at some point.
Ratings. They never ask ME what I want to see! You give me a TV show that offers to kidnap Regis Philbin and charge him for crimes against humanity, and I’m there. Until then:
Tack tack tack…
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“Democracy’s a fickle b*tch, huh?”
LOL. bigtime.
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“Botch?” About right…
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I think a ‘Culture Dash’ works best when you take what you love from the culture you visit and incorporate it into your lifestyle back home even if that means swimming against the flow at times or having others think you are slightly nuts.
Getting rid of the television, lounge and microwave and spending more time eating slow-cooked meals, sitting on the ground and chatting (rather than staring at the box) was the result of a South Eastern Asian sojourn for me and one I don’t regret at all – even if people think we’re a little crazy (and I must admit the lounge has made a comeback).
Enjoy France Erin!
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Tara- You’re comment reminded me of a bumper sticker that I picked up in Germany. It said (In German): “Only dead fish go with the flow”. I agree with this on so many levels. Somehow it thrilled me even more knowing that most people here (USA) wouldn’t know what it said.
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I read “My Stroke of Insight” in one sitting – I couldn’t put it down. I laughed. I cried. It was a fantastic book (I heard it’s a NYTimes Bestseller and I can see why!), but I also think it will be the start of a new, transformative Movement! No one wants to have a stroke as Jill Bolte Taylor did, but her experience can teach us all how to live better lives. Her TED.com speech was one of the most incredibly moving, stimulating, wonderful videos I’ve ever seen. Her Oprah Soul Series interviews were fascinating. They should make a movie of her life so everyone sees it. This is the Real Deal and gives me hope for humanity.
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Wonderful job capturing the intense need to get away from time to time. I've had the hardest time adjusting back to American culture where water cooler talk at my corporate job revolves around topics punctuated with words like "Lauren Conrad" and "Project Runway". I've caught myself looking up flights for the end of the month to take a week long leave of absence from work anywhere I can find a cheap flight just to escape everything from American culture that stopped making sense to me.
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