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Okay, so it WAS to provoke. For me, as one reader, that makes me cringe a bit. Yes, articles come out all the time – on NYTimes, newsweek, etc. – to foster discussion, but I feel as though there’s a concrete stance that they are pushing. But topics made to simply elicit a knee-jerk response (or page views?)…I’m sorry, but I have to just shake my head…

But that’s just me. I’m just one person.

Yes, 100 + people commented. But I believe that quality is a lot more important than quantity. Sure you got the number but did it get a significant point across?
No, I personally think that it failed at that.

Yes, it provoked people but I think it was more about the readers’ reaction to the article’s treatment of the issue. And I still don’t understand what you mean by “perspective”? What “perspective” is that? I would honestly (and I’m not being snarky or mean about this) like a definition. What kind of perspective were you guys trying to promote with the article? Because the only thing that seems pretty clear to me is that the focus became on the execution of the article than the issue itself – an issue that the writer failed to set a focus for thus allowing such a broad, complex topic float in ambiguity. Of course there are 100+ commentators! Everyone is commenting on different things since the article left everything open—too open in fact. Thus, what kind of impact does it leave? For me, it just left me feeling angry and disappointed that articles like these are published and espoused as pieces created to foster understanding. I’m sorry, but the editorial team’s avowal of such a work that is condescending, not to mention, hypocritical, for me, was quite disheartening.

And thanks for the link. I was throwing ideas out there (a lot more than just that one you’re referring to) on ways the piece could have been better. They were suggestions on how the article could have, “opened up a space for people to speak out about this issue.”

Well, Ian (and maybe Matador), I think in terms of the flaws and failings (or for you, success) of the article, we are going to have to respectfully agree to disagree. I understand the intentions of the piece, but I think it showcased a lot of negative traits (a colonial view, a 1st world naivete, ignorance, etc.). I went from anger to disappointment. I say this not as an “Asian,” or as a woman, or even as a traveler, but as a human being who thought that society had evolved beyond this way of thinking. I’m very sorry you see the article as a success, because I really, really cannot fathom such a concept. But “c’est la vie!”

Or in tagalog… “bahala na!”

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I’m pretty impressed with your comment. Thanks for having the balls to come right out and say it’s “the ladies who tend to majorly stereotype us”. Philippe also mentioned this in response to my previous comment and it’s been something I’ve always known, but kept to myself. It’s true that being with a white man has often perplexed white women and yes, they would hit on the boyfriend thinking he’d prefer them over non-white me (at the same time emtting a feeling of nobility) as if a white man is thinking “hmm well if I can actually have a white woman, why bother being with this dark-skinned person?” It’s something I’ve learned to live with and even begun to laugh about, but it takes guts just to come out and tell the white people what they usually just don’t want to hear or accept.

Thanks, Taryn

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This article is only one more perspective on a complex issue. It was meant to provoke. Given that it has over 100+ comments now, it has done just that: opened up a space for people to speak out about this issue.

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Thanks for responding. But let me ask, what do you mean by other side of the story? I’m sorry but there was no story. In fact, it was devoid of anything provoking deep thought, reflection or a strong stance. Yes, it had potential but was published raw. Nothing deeper. I’m sorry that you thought as editor that it was fine. But you know what? It wasn’t. Yes, it provoked reaction but for what? There were so many other angles, avenues and ideas that the writer could have fleshed out that could have made it GREAT. a piece that would really make people (at least me) think “hmmm…I never thought of that before” or “I disagree!” but it was left ambiguous and at the same time, reflective of an ignorance, a hypocrisy and a neo-colonial mindset that I’m sad to see still present (AND espoused by some backpackers, thinking that they are open-minded when in fact, many still reinforce old stereotypes and clichés – the WORST part? They don’t even realize it).

The writer could have even done her own self-analysis – what she thinks when she sees these couples and the inner-struggle to understand but also her frustration and disgust with the situation.

What the article did was cause people to talk not about the issues but the problems with the writer’s approach. The discussions ended up unfocused: Some argued about their own mixed-race relations, others about the age-gap, and then those focusing on the physical aspects of the “fat grey old man.” But you know what would have been great to discuss?

A) Why do situations like these occur?
B) What kind of prejudices do we have as outsiders?
C) What power relations continue as travelers in poorer countries in terms of romantic partnerships?
D) I could go on and on (I am already aren’t I?)

Seriously, if any one small tiny thing that could have made this article remotely less insulting was if the person defined her terms. (Though I still would have thought it would have been somewhat insulting, but hey, I would have understood her perspective).

If she/you wanted to show a “different perspective” then the points I discussed in my last response would have done just that (or made the writer’s point of view clearer and that much more powerful). Instead…it’s just the perspective of another backpacker from a first-world country trying to be “understanding” to these poor Asian women. Ummm…please, I beg you, do you not see how messed up that is? And if that’s truly a perspective that you wanted to use to facilitate discussion, then the writer (and you as the editor) should have prodded deeper, asked her to maybe use a different approach or perspective (as I said above, her own views traveling in say Thailand or Manila) or actually interview a girl living that life.

“I find it disheartening that because of this piece, you feel Matador has become “consumer-driven” which is odd, considering we have very little advertising on the site”

– hmmm……aren’t T-shirt’s and your brand also a product for public consumption? My critique was, for me, what seems like more content seems to be focused on getting a rise out of people for page views but once read, I’ve found some content a tad shallow. I’m sorry if you disagree. That’s just my impression. And hey, I’m sorry if I’ve insulted you and Matador. I’m not trying to make enemies but as a reader, I am also trying to voice how I feel that the network has changed. And I do hope that as an editor, a co-founder and as a traveler, you (and the rest of Matador) would be open to criticism (and I do believe mine is more constructive than malicious). Heck, isn’t critique supposed to push you guys to be even better? It wasn’t personal to you or the site. I just expressed my critique because ultimately, I DO want to read better stuff. I started out writing for you guys and in a way, there is a sense of loyalty there. I DO want Matador to succeed but in a way that I can keep believing in. That’s just my humble opinion.

And that’s far more interesting than you’d read in Conde Naste Traveler. – I’m sorry but that’s like comparing apples to oranges. BNT (Matador) is a completely different vein of travel writing. I would compare Conde Naste Traveler to say, Travel + Leisure. (Does conde Naste own Travel + Leisure? I can’t remember, but you get my drift).

If I was going to compare the Matador sites, it would be with other sites/publications that follow the same vein/approach, say World Hum.

So comparing Matador to Conde Naste…well, I’m sorry to say, but that’s bit false and misleading. It is clearly not the same thing in every sense. It’s a false argument, a false analogy.

And hey, I do hope that you and the rest of the team don’t take my critique of the article and Matador personally. It wasn’t. I have the utmost respect for you, Julie, Lola, David and the rest of the team. And if my criticisms are unwelcome and would fare for me badly as a writer, then so be it. But I don’t believe in withholding criticism just because I’m worried how it might affect my career. If I did that, then I should have never become a writer.

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Thank you for posting and for putting your point of view out there. I am very much inclined to agree and would like very much to see a published rebuttal on the network.

micheala lola-

You are giving so many great ideas away, but what about lampooning this piece or refuting it in any of the ways you outlined above!? I’d love to read it!

Kate

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I felt the aim of the article was to simply give another side to the story, and encourage people not to be so quick to pass judgment on others. No more, no less.

I find it disheartening that because of this piece, you feel Matador has become “consumer-driven” which is odd, considering we have very little advertising on the site – the majority of which is for our own websites and a few key partners.

Our aim is to provoke thought, and in some cases, reaction, to get people talking about these issues. And that’s far more interesting than what you’d read in Conde Naste Traveler.

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Am I condoning how foreigners go to third world countries and making it their sex playground? Hell no. I grew up in a third world country. Yes, I’ve seen the red light district. When I was a kid, I lived in Olongapo City which was near the Clark Air Base (an American military base..gee, google it!) and the hotbed of both prostitution and also some legitimate, as you say “White Male, Asian Woman” romance. So I do know a bit what I’m talking about. If you think that strolling in pattaya beach, backpack and all, scrunching your nose at these couples means that you understand and can put yourself in their shoes? I’m sorry, but that’s a big fat no. Growing up in that area, I remember a lot of (good and not-so-good and just plain horrible) occurrences and issues with both Caucasian men and the Filipina women. I won’t discuss it now, but I state it because before everyone jumps at me, I want to emphasize how little a traveler or even an expat (maybe most especially an expat) can understand these issues and the writer putting herself in the shoes of the girl – creating her as a limited, pathetic, one-dimensional being – does more of a disservice than actually fostering understanding and discussion.

Honestly, I’m red in the face with anger.

a) Yes, I get the “point” you were trying to make. YOu know what your problem was (and also the team of Matador editors – come on guys! geez!) is that you failed to define what you mean. Do you mean ALL Asian women? ALL White Men? I’m Asian. My boyfriend is German. So are you going to see us and try to “understand”? How about making some concrete definitions. Maybe you could of tackled prostitution in third world countries. (THAT would of been interesting). Maybe you could of discussed the propensity of foreign travelers that go to poorer nations for the sole reason of securing an asian wife.

Maybe you could of tackled how former colonies, such as the Philippines (did you know that the Philippines was a former colony of the US? BET You didn’t!) continue to have a lasting effect on the country, such as the power relationship of the American male and Asian woman and how they are perceived by the rest of the world. Another possibility would have been how families from poorer countries are the ones who set up their daughter with a foreigner? You could have explored the motivations, why it continues, how it happens, etc. How about the “binary relationship between ethnic asian nationals and foreign immigrants: obstacles, perceptions and realities”?

What about the abuse that often occurs in these kinds of relationships (based on economic inequality, the “mail order bride” phenomenon, etc.) where a national from a poorer country views the male as her “rescuer” only to have him abuse her physically, emotionally and mentally. Hence, mimicking history’s pattern where the “liberator” is also the colonizer. Or how the tragic histories of many of these countries has affected the perspectives and power relations between the Asian and the Westerner? (i.e.Vietnam). how about the effect of the media such as Hollywood films?

Did your father start dating an Asian girl similar to the one in your article? Then maybe talk about that – your reaction to it, your relationship with him and her. If it’s too personal, then you could have written it anonymously or even wrote it as though your “friend” was going through it. (I only ask because I DON’T UNDERSTAND why you would use that line at the end of your article).

There are thousands of articles and statistics of these cases and you could of done something that would have made an IMPACT. How about an article on how Asian women are essentialized and exoticized, often limited as stereotypes by Western media and colonialism? (Made into that mysterious, exotic, dark Other).

OR you could of even done something like “What perceptions and misconceptions continue with mixed race relationships?” — THAT would have been interesting. THAT would of made a point. THAT would have gotten people thinking.

What about extending your idea, posing the first section as an topic of discussion and then exploring what happens when this third-world national marries the Caucasian male and moves to his home country – what challenges does she face? What perceptions does she have to deal with? Does their balance of power in their relationship shift? IS there even a more dominant person in the relationship? What are her (and his) motivations? Instead of “putting yourself in her shoes” (which resulted in showcasing your own ignorance, even if your mission was to abolish ignorance…), you should of supported it with interviews or research. Yes, articles have an 800 word limit but you could have made it short but powerful if you had based it on something concrete and then let people discuss…

b) Did you even think to interview any of these couples that you have seen? Or were you just content to imagine yourself as a poor Asian girl? Yes, the negative perspective of the “Dirty Old (White) Man” (D.O.M. or in the case of this article, D.O.W.M.) and the “young asian woman” is present, even with locals, but I took a German language class in Manila a few months back and those “types” of relationships were present but yes, there was a LOT more to it. (As you pointed out, they have their own reasons). What could have helped your article is to have actually interviewed couples you’re eager to “understand.” And are you SURE this is exactly how the Asian woman (I get the “kind” you meant yet failed to define – which could also translate for other poor countries such as Africa, Latin America btw!) thinks? That a poor Asian woman of the night, or a poor Asian girl from the province involved with a rich older white man thinks this way? Are you certain that is their situation?

c) “What would you think if your father began dating this girl?” – Wow! Honestly, there was a moment that I was also trying to understand the point you were trying to make (however badly executed). I was also trying to walk in your shoes, trying to think, “hey, this person comes from a first-world country, maybe she’s had a bad experience with that.” Or “her journey to Asia as a teacher probably shocked her and she’s only scratched the surface, at least she’s speaking out and trying to develop dialogue.” Poor little white woman from a first-world country! How wonderful that she’s trying to understand us lesser beings! Goddess of Caucasian understanding! (Doesn’t feel good to be essentialized, no?)

By the way, my grandmother was a white woman from a well-to-do family and my grandfather (her husband) was a Filipino man who grew up poor. Are you saying he’s a male version of that? Was his motivation only money? Was he also fanning the charcoal flames in his tiny shanty, thanking his stars that he found a rich, white woman to buy him things? I know for a fact that this is not true.

Also, I’m curious…if the gender roles were reversed, would you still think the same thing? Now gee, that could have been another interesting topic.

This article sounds a heck of a lot like a bad case of “White Man’s Burden.” Yes, I get what you were trying to do. How noble of you. To “shed light to this darkness.”

Hey, if you’re going to spew out articles calling to abolish ignorance or foster dialogue, how about you study the situation a bit more? Research. Interviews. Don’t put yourself in another girl’s shoes and make her a one-dimensional, limited being. If that’s your style of writing and/or you were truly curious what it would have been like, then it would have been beneficial for you and your readers to have contemplated on the ‘character’ a bit more

Okay. I’m sorry I’m a bit harsh. I’m sorry if I said anything personally mean. BUT this article still gets my blood boiling. And not in a good way. It doesn’t foster dialogue, it just makes people mad. There’s no jump-off point to actually discuss (other than, “What would you think if your father began dating this girl?”). To me, it feels like a cheap ploy to get people to react without much substance. (Kind of like Fox news or one of bad reality shows).

Are articles like these the standards of Matador these days? I’ve noticed a lot of “soap box” articles and though I was an avid reader and a member of the network (and even writer), I’m saddened by how many articles throughout all the other Matador channels attempt to only scratch the surface. Some pieces have been more to elicit reaction (hence, get more page views and comments like mine) than to actually really change, inspire and motivate readers to discuss and think about the world. As a reader, I think its well within my right to give feedback because I want to read articles by other travelers that push me to think deeper, challenge my preconceived ideas, learn ideas about different cultures and perspectives. I really do. If I’ve ended up burning bridges, then so be it. I’m sorry then but yeah, articles like these are NOT okay. I’m not saying squash ideas or that I’m personally attacking the writer (I’m sure she’s very good, but this article could have been much better) or the editorial team, but maybe develop pieces before sending them out. Hey you guys are the ones talking about setting high standards, right? So why not put that into practice beyond the first-world Westernized perspective. It’s not just about the page views or how much T-shirts you can sell. (Is it me, or has Matador become more consumer-driven than idea-driven?)

p.s. that picture that came with the article. NOT OKAY.

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