Comments on: Polyamory: Ethical Nonmonogamy or Spiritual Quagmire?

By: Zach

Zach — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 20:16:54 +0000

@Susan, do you realize, that my Dad is a mainline Mormon and is sealed to two women? That means in heaven he already has to wives. Therefore, there is still very much so poly involved in Mormonism.

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By: thegoldengriff

thegoldengriff — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:57:21 +0000

You confuse polygamy and Mormonism when you say, “what differentiates it from Mormonism…” There are obvious historical reasons to tie Mormonism with polygamy, but they are not the same thing.

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By: quaesto obligato

quaesto obligato — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 21:16:12 +0000

That’s true in *this* life. Good Mormons continue to be promised polygamous “celestial marriage” in the next life. This is not much spoken about.

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By: Rebel

Rebel — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 05:10:24 +0000

Reading Robert Wright’s “Moral Animal” gave me a whole new perspective on polygamy… specifically the evolutionary-psychology perspective. Previously I would have just said “It’s wrong!” now I see that (in theory) there can be personal and societal benefits to ethical polyamorous relationships. In any case it might not do any more harm than divorce or cheating.

Personally I know it’s not for me… forming & maintaining a relationship with one person is enough of a challenge. But I think if it works for you (plural, naturally ) – go for it.

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By: Kris Butler

Kris Butler — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:40:07 +0000

Just another facet of immorality in this society.

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By: Sundance

Sundance — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 00:37:02 +0000

Social expectations ram a bunch of contradictory ideas down people’s throats e.g. the idea that sex and love aren’t the same thing, but if you have sex with more than one person you can’t be in love with them, or that we can love many people platonically (e.g. friends, siblings), and love is best when your lover is your best friend, but you can’t love more than one person sexually. In reality it should all be personal choice – if some people want to be poly, nobody should tell them it’s unethical. Being ethical is about how you choose to treat the people around you, and if that treatments is based on respect and communication, then the ways you interact with other are unlimited. It’s certainly possible to be unethical in a monogamous relationship. And what’s wrong with doing “whatever your heart desires”? That’s what this site is all about – travelling and exploring and indulging your heart, rather than conforming to the expectation that you should be responsible, get a good job, work hard until retirement, and so on.

I’ve been in polyamorous relationships for nine years, and I can’t imagine going back to monogamy. It’s just so wonderful to be able to accept your feelings of love and desire for several people, and express those feelings, rather than feel guilty or feel like you have to hide something. And having several partners enhances your appreciation of all your partner’s different strength and weaknesses. It’s not for everyone, but neither is any other lifestyle choice.

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By: Gaylen Moore

Gaylen Moore — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:53:15 +0000

There is nothing unethical about polyamory. As for spirituality, I would offer this comment: If you think that falling in love is just a more or less random biological expression of hormones, etc. then it would seem that there is nothing much spiritual about love in general, and polyamory would be just more of the same. But if you believe that the powerful feelings we call “love” are, in fact, meaningful on some deeper level – then you should ask: WHY do some people fall in love with certain people, but not other people? I tend to follow C.G. Jung on this: I think that our experiences of strong emotion (love, or any other strong emotion) are signposts to deeper meaning in our lives – perhaps “messages” of a sort from our unconscious (both collective unconscious and personal unconscious). If this is right, then we should pay close attention to our feelings of love and strong attraction. If we already love someone, but then discover that we are falling in love with someone else as well, is there any principle of the universe that says the ONLY the first love is the genuine or true love? Is there any reason to think that our feelings of love for more than one person are somehow less meaningful in the grand scheme of things? I’d say no. Traditional monogamy (whether life-long, or serial) forces us to give up one love in order pursue another. But WHY should we do this? If, in fact, we still love one person, but also love another – why should we think that we must abandon either love? For some people monogamy is best – they are just not emotionally cut-out for polyamory. But for those who are well-suited to polyamory, turning away from it would be a way of turning their back on an opportunity for a deeper spiritual quest. If you check out my web link, you will see that I discuss some of this stuff in my various articles (e.g., “Creative Fidelity”, “The Irony of Monogamy” and “Quantum Sex.”)

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By: Bridget

Bridget — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:11:25 +0000

Life seems to get more complicated the older I get. To each their own but I know I don’t have energy for more than one person at a time!

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By: Carlo Alcos

Carlo Alcos — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:06:17 +0000

I prefer the the term unmonogamy.

I couldn’t do it myself, I relate sex with emotions too much. But if you can be that detached, by all means.

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By: joshywashington

joshywashington — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:47:46 +0000

whoa! great thread going here!

Although I am a serial monogamist and don’t really have experience in the other realm, I think judging or labeling other people’s lifestyle choice only speaks to fear.

Ethical or unethical? Neither, both terms can be divisive, especially in matters of sexuality.

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