Meditation requires a lot of time spent with the self. Can this end up making a person narcissistic?
Photo: Tony the Misfit
Buddhism certainly has caught fire in the West over the last couple of decades. As we face ever greater threats to our humanity, Buddhism has become, in some ways, the “go-to” religion for those searching outside the Christian values set forth in western society.
Mark Vernon, in the Guardian’s “Comment is Free” section, recently wrote about his week spent at a Buddhist meditation retreat in the UK. He outlined the process – very similar to ones I’ve experienced here in the US – of silence, sitting, walking, and eating meditations, and also work meditation. Teachers are on hand to begin and end sessions, act as helpful guides, and to intervene if a student is having issues.
Vernon espouses the importance of meditation – central to Buddhism, as most people know – for gaining insight into the idea that life is suffering, and the way to be delivered from that suffering is to accept this “noble truth” and release attachment. He grasps the importance of deepening insight in order to heal ourselves, but then he wonders about the bigger picture of possibly becoming self-absorbed:
Meditation-as-therapy flirts with narcissism when it is devoted to observing yourself, for that can lead to self-absorption and self-obsession. It’s a danger inherent in any community devoted to a particular task, though perhaps more so in one that lacks a reference point beyond the individuals taking part.
Is that what insight religions like Buddhism do? Make us more self-centered?
Is Christianity More Enlightened?
On the other hand, Vernon notes, Christianity – in theory – is about something outside of ourselves, namely God. Christians are in “service to something greater” than themselves – at minimum going and donating to the church, and at maximum living a life in service to God and others. He continues:
But I did wonder whether a God-centred spiritual practice might offer a better way to get over yourself, and in turn offer a more satisfying “therapy”.
I can see a bit of the logic from an “on paper” point-of-view, but what immediately struck me when I read about being in service to God, is that many people do this in order to get to heaven. I’m not talking about nuns or priests, or even extremely devout Christians.
But I am talking about a normal human being who follows certain rules of the religion for the purpose of, and fears around, their own salvation, and not simply because of their love of God in and of itself.
Self-Inquiry Vs. Narcissism
Besides this possibility, I also see this perspective as not seeing the whole picture. As many people who take the time to explore themselves and the “whys” of what they do often say, each of us must understand, love, and feel compassion for what is inside before we can ever truly be of service to others.
And this exploration leads to a balance or contentment that sends out a ripple effect on the world, namely through lacking the anger that so many people carry in our extremely stressed out world.
Each of us must understand, love, and feel compassion for what is inside before we can ever truly be of service to others.
I’m not trying to say that Christianity, or any other religion, cannot lead to the same insights. In fact, meditation has become (and really, always has been) a large part of several Christian sects. But to me, Buddhism teaches an “all-one” belief system that inherently requires being of service to others, but understanding that you must continue to be in service to the self at the same time.
There is no doubt in my mind that as with all things, extreme narcissism is an option – initially. But if a person really puts time into the process, they won’t end up that way. And in a world where we need each other more and more every single day, giving yourself love is an absolute necessity.
I want to leave you with a video created in celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, which was yesterday here in the states. I think these quotes describe a beautiful balance between love of self and love of others, and really, how they are no different:
Do you think spending too much time looking inside makes a person self-centered? Share your thoughts below.
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Need more great reminders of the power of MLK’s legacy? Then check out Tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. Plus, stay updated with the latest stories and movements in Haiti at Matador Change.
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9 Comments... join the discussion!
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Vernon’s reading of Buddhist practice is certainly interesting – kind of the antithesis of my understanding of the no-self and emptiness concepts that lie at the heart of the practice which teach that the ego is a mental construct and that all things are one. In this case, it is strange that the practice could be seen as egotistical as it moves beyond the self to a connected and interdependent understanding of life and the universe. The Mahayana, in particular, focuses explicitly on developing compassion for all living beings and many meditation practices in the Tibetan tradition focus solely relieving the suffering of others.
Meditation can be seen superficially as a form of self development but, as you say, the benefits inherent in the practice are manifold, profound and operate beyond the meditator. Wiser, more compassionate and understanding people inevitably generate more positive human interactions. The value of this should not be underestimated, especially when one considers the untold damage wrought by confused human beings on each other and the planet.
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I would love to try a Buddhist meditation retreat, as well as integrate meditation into my daily life. However, I like to make up the excuse that I don’t “have time” to take time for myself…
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I follow you in that Buddhism naturally implies service to others, and I have been shocked by the apparent narcissism of Christians. Still better doing right things for the wrong reasons than the wrong things for the wrong reasons.
Excellent article!
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I guess I don’t really understand the author’s contention (not you, Christine, the author you reference). One of the core beliefs of Buddhism is that there is no self, or that the self is an illusion. One of the goals of meditation is to watch thoughts as they arrive in the mind, and allow their presence and subsequent exit. From doing this, the meditator gains a profound sense of the transitory and thus illusory nature of thinking, which is very much tied to the self.
I think that when the meditator awakens to a more enlightened state, there is a deep connection to the sense that everything is part of a whole, including these bodies, the trees, and the caterpillers on the ground. Ultimately, there is a strong opening into acceptance and love.
I do practice meditation but have no fixed religion, I believe very much in the power of love, maybe also the existence of fairies, and the Buddhist concept of flow. I don’t doubt the power of Christianity to transform lives, to open one’s heart, and to allow access to a higher state of consciousness. The major difference I see between Christianity and Buddhism is the concept of “should.” While Buddhism does promote a certain lifestyle, the essence seems to be allowing and accepting this moment, right here, just as it is. Christianity, like all Abrahamic faiths, has a much stronger tie to morality and judgment.
I think that one could argue that in doing good works for others, donating money for the poor, and cooking large meals for others, some people are engaged in acts of “selfing” – or proving that they are good and devout selves. This is another form of selfishness.
True giving comes from a place of wholeness, or peace, and not from a “should,” at least I think.
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Nice article and great informative and evocative responses.
I guess what Vernon might mean is that in the process of making time to meditate on your own you may have to sacrifice time with others, or time you feel you could be working for the community, and that can seem self-centred.
But if you think the time spent meditating will make you a better person for others and the community then you might not think yourself so self-centred.
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One interesting story I heard from the monks at Vimutti Buddhist Monastery in NZ. Once, a couple who had spent years living and studying at the monastery founded by Ajahn Chah in Thailand left and came back as “born again Christians”. They proceeded to spout doctrine and who knows what else for days during a visit, at the end of which Ajahn Chah and another Ajahn spoke:
Ajahn: “Can you believe them? I thought they were smarter than this!” (more or less)
Ajahn Chah: “Well, maybe they’re right.”Hehe.
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To study the self is to forget the self……
Carlos
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Wow, Carlos made a really insightful remark..
It’s a matter of perception..At different stages of our spiritual development everyone has a unique experience ;ONE OF A KIND, the way others perceive your experience may be different than what we are experiencing..Aloofness is there, but to call it selfish is not right in my opinion..The ultimate theory behind this is that we are all born alone free souls and when we’ll die, the all powerful soul has to leave the body and enter another one depending on our Karmas of past life..When this cycle of rebirth and death stops then we will have attained salvation! And that, is the purpose of our life, to free ourselves from all Karmas..
Thanks for the great article and great comments from everyone!
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