Found via The Utne Reader.

For other great animations, check out Sweet Dreams: An Epic Journey about a Cupcake, and Bird Song: The Melody of Nature.

In typical Bill Watterson style, the strip above weaves philosophical debate between the antics of Calvin and Hobbes. This particular comic caught my eye, as it seems relevant to travelers.

Often, it seems the reason people decide not to travel is a fear of the world outside their borders. With few exceptions, they believe that most people are out to do them harm (that humanity is essentially evil).

A traveler, on the other hand, tends to believe the opposite. They embrace visiting other cultures and lands, because they trust that most people are out to help them; they believe humanity is essentially good.

The third option of course: is the people are crazy. This implies that the question itself is problematic, because you can’t possibly understand the motivations and worldviews of everyone. To judge humanity as mostly good or evil means you have to pass judgment, which says more about yourself then anyone else.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Photo: h.koppdelaney

The usual collection of travel quotes tend to focus on inspiration and reflection. These, however, are meant to tickle your funny bone, and remind you of the inherent humor of the journey.

1. “When you come to a fork in the road….take it” – Yogi Berra

2. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin

3. “If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.” – Ronald Reagan

4. “I’ve been to Paris. And it ain’t that pretty at all.” – Warren Zevon, from the song Ain’t That Pretty At All

5. “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.” — Elizabeth Drew

6. “Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it.” – Dave Barry

7. “The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” – Dave Barry

8. “Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.” – Charles Kuralt

9. “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” – Russell Baker

10. “You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.” – Charles Kuralt

11. “You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.” – Yogi Berra

12. “Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Old Haitian Proverb

13. “Canada is the vichyssoise of nations – it’s cold, half French and difficult to stir.” – Stuart Keate

14. “On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.” – Lewis Grizzard

15. “Gaiety is among the most outstanding features of the Soviet Union.” – Joseph Stalin

16. “San Francisco is like granola. Take away all the fruits and the nuts and all you have left are the flakes.” – Unknown

17. “France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can’t tear the toilet paper.” – Billy Wilder

18. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.” – Steve Martin

19. “Climbing K2 or floating the Grand Canyon in an inner tube. There are some things one would rather have done than do.” – Edward Abbey

Always look out for the hostage Buddha / Photo: antwerpenR

20. “There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.” – Edward Abbey

21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

22. “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places”. – Henny Youngman

23. “Two great talkers will not travel far together.” – Spanish Proverb

24. “Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.” – Yogi Berra

25. “I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.” – George Bernard Shaw

26. “I had a prejudice against the British until I discovered that fifty percent of them were female.” – Raymond Floyd

27. “Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.” – Unknown

28. “When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money”. – Unknown

29. “Knock Knock! Who’s there? Tibet! Tibet who? Early Tibet and early to rise!” – Aha Jokes

30. “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain

Add your favorite funny travel quotes in the comments section below!

Photo: Sue Richards

Ok, so we’ve talked about what the future of travel might look like.

Condé Nast Traveler magazine, on the other hand, decided to recently air out the top five rumors about the future of airline travel.

I must note all of these are much less exciting and futuristic than want we think is going to happen.

Yet in consideration of our hard economic times, and the unfortunate losses that so many corporations are facing daily (’we only made a $999,000,000 surplus last quarter, down from $2 billion last year during the same quarter!’), I think it is our duty to try and help out, at the very least, the airline industry.

I mean, how much can they really be making from charging us for meals, checking in luggage, and cramming in more seats? It really is the only fair thing to do.

Rumor #1: Southwest will fly to Europe

Guess a rumor has been going around that some $99 seats would getcha outta JFK and into Rio. Nice thought, but no dice.

But really, with jokes like, “Pushing the light-bulb button will turn your reading light on. However, pushing the flight-attendant button will not turn your flight attendant on,” I’m willing to pay at least $150.

C’mon, Southwest, then you too could charge us for peanuts. Really, I bet you could get $5 a pack on one of those eight-hour flights.

Rumor #2: Airlines are planning “standing room” seats

If they make it mandatory to check all of your luggage while charging you $50 per piece, there will be plenty of room in the overheard compartments for small women and children.

Also, get some good, sturdy straps and the plane’s wings suddenly become another 30 seats (just make sure there are small TVs installed the length of the wing to keep people entertained). It’s a win-win-wing situation.

Rumor #3: Ryanair is going to install pay toilets on its planes

Photo: Sapphireblue

Soon enough, flying will be just like being about to pee in your pants in Europe and not having €.50 to get into the toilet. Seems this one hasn’t fully been dashed yet, so you can keep your hopes up. Anyone have change for $100?

Rumor #4: A 1,000-passenger commercial jetliner is on the drawing board

Sweeeet! If they could just squeeze in a few more, it could be like an Indian wedding! We’ll have sari-wrapping in one corner of the plane, and bhangra dancing in the other. Maybe even a pig-on-a-spit to give it a little Southern flair?

And we can all be dancing, eating, and laughing as we lift off 50 feet in the air and then crash into the end of the runway.

Rumor #5: Richard Branson will install casinos/discos/health clubs/[fill in blank here] aboard his new planes

Traveler notes that, “Branson has also been a master of smirky references to the mile-high club when unveiling plans for ‘double bed’ suites.” Now that Virgin megastores are on the downward skid, wonder if he’s having more trouble getting some and has to live vicariously through his clientele?

Maybe they can just charge double when people would like to ‘go to the bathroom’ together? Don’t let him down, my friends!

What other crazy rumors have you heard about the future of the airline industry? Share your thoughts below.

Photo: spammo91

Everyone has a guilty pleasure. Maybe you sing along to Kelly Clarkson when no one’s looking, watch Golden Girls reruns, or spend afternoons on the couch reading celebrity gossip magazines. The point is, you know you shouldn’t, but you can’t help it.

But sometimes it feels good to just air it out. Tell the world proudly, without a hint of shame, “Yes, I wear women’s panties and I don’t care what you think!”

Guilty pleasures are about something more than meets the eye. They can act as a window into the internal self; who we are beyond our cool guy (or gal) exterior. These pleasures are what make us real, flawed, human, and just plain fun to hang out with.

After all, who wants to be around Mr. Boring/Perfect all the time? Give us the guy who somehow tracked down the Facts of Life and You Can’t Do That On Television DVDs any day. Or the chick who secretly prefers a bacon double cheeseburger and a beer after a long hike.

Just for kicks, we’ve compiled a list of our travel guilty pleasures. So, here you go. Take a deep look into our souls…and offer up your own guilty pleasures in the comments.

Come on, we know you want to get it off your chest!

The Matador team shares their guilty pleasures

Carlo (@vagab0nderz): Mine’s a literal guilty pleasure. In China I could not get used to the blatant staring. I tried to ignore it, but eventually gave up and started to snap. I turned to striking up one way conversations with the starers, speaking in loud English of course. “Hey. How’s it going? Like what you see? Anything else I can do for you?” That sort of stuff. For me it was a pleasure in that I wasn’t holding the feeling inside anymore, but letting it go. The guilt was from me being a bit rude. But they never understood anyway. Or did they?

Photo: 摩根

Christine (@livingholistic): When I was vegan, demanding we go through hell and high water to find me meat-free, dairy-free, honey-free, food (definitely my pleasure and not anyone else’s who was traveling with me!). Nowadays, it’s probably drinking coffee and eating whatever the hell I want and saying, “I’m on vacation, damnit!” (even if it’s more like four months of travel).

David (@dahveed_miller): I love getting my hair cut in local places when I’m traveling / living abroad. A couple standouts: Punta Abreojos in Mexico. A woman there gave me a haircut, then without me mentioning a shave she whipped out the razor. Ok. That’s cool. When she was done I looked in the mirror and she’d fully styled me out with the haircut, shave, and a tight little mustache. I left it for a day.

Eva (@evaholland): Cheesy souvenirs. I am powerless before their tacky, silly, Made-in-China charms. However, I’ve recently limited myself to semi-useful items like fridge magnets, mugs and notebooks. That helps to reduce the clutter and post-trip regrets, a little.

Hal (@halamen): I’m gonna steal one from Teresa. Though I usually try to keep the accommodation costs down, sometimes I splurge for a room with cable TV to catch up on all that quality programming I’ve missed.

Another, allowing myself to think I’m better than the backpacker passing through town for a couple days, just ’cause I’m staying for a month. In fact, I’m experiencing this one as I type and can say it generates a lot more guilt than pleasure.

Photo: dawvon

Ian (@ianmack): Busting out the guidebook. Of course, I often ask other backpackers/locals for the hidden hole-in-the-wall gems… but when I’m stumbling off an 8 hour bus/boat/plane ride, the guidebook recommendations are gospel.

Jen: Any restaurant, anywhere, that serves bottomless sodas. I admit it, I’m an addict, but I bristle when I have to pay for more than one hit.

Juliane (@JulianeH): The boys. What can I say, I’m a bit of a dog. I love checking out each country’s eye candy.

Julie (@collazoprojects): Because I’m blonde, lots of locals in the countries I frequent (Latin America, mostly) think I don’t speak Spanish fluently. I’ll let them chatter on for a few and then edge in on the conversation and totally get off on their surprise that I speak Spanish. I’m addicted to the way the dynamic suddenly changes and I’m brought into the fold. I’m also really addicted to digging into a place and staying a while and becoming as local as a gringa can become.

Josh (@joshywashington): My guilty travel pleasure is wistfully watching some local beauty round the corner and out of sight wondering what it would be like to be with her, or be her…

Photo: telethon

Kate: Being mistaken for native by English speaking tourists. I might let them haltingly stutter for a bit longer than necessary in a foreign tongue before I reveal my dastardly English speaking ways.

Lola: Patches. Not just any ol’ country patch, but really cool, simple ones with nice edges that I can easily sew onto a fleece jacket or top. After sewing on the first 3, the rest have joined (and keep joining) the “pile”. Apparently I don’t have enough fleece tops.

Michelle (@StrayNotes): Mine’s kind of like Julie’s, but kind of the opposite, too! I whip out the Portuguese when I don’t want someone to know I speak English. Here in Korea, it’s not unusual to sit next to someone on the subway that wants to practice their English with you. (And usually, they need a lot of practice!) I don’t want to be rude, but teaching English six hours a day is enough for me! So “não falo Inglês” has come in handy a few times.

Photo: permanently scatterbrained

Nick (@pharaonick): If a taxi driver catches my eye whilst I’m trying to cross the road, I’ll let him screech to a halt, as if I need the ride. I’ll then saunter up to him and ask where it is he needs directions to. Naughty, but you take your small victories where you can!

Ross (@rossborden): McDonald’s. Besides the occasional Egg McMuffin at 6 AM on the way to a Tahoe day trip, I literally don’t ever eat at McD’s in the US, but when traveling this is not always the case. Sometimes when you’re in a train station, or it’s late and nothing else is open, or you’re simply starving and don’t feel like taking a gamble on some little hole in the wall across the street, McDonalds provides predictable regularity that I crave.

And more often than not, between tearing into my Quarter Pounder with cheese and stuffing handfuls of golden fries into my mouth, I strike up a conversation with some cute locals. I went to a McDonald’s in Stockholm at 2 AM and it was like a discotec in there. Right at in the center of the nightlife district, this place was three stories tall and packed with young people straight out of the bars. We ended up chilling in there for 20 minutes after we’d finished eating, shooting the shit with a bunch of college students.

Sarah: Doing nothing at all. Spending entire days reading or camping out in a nowhere city, and giving a pass to all the traveler-themed things I should be doing (seeing orangutans, visiting temples, doing something “cultural,” etc.)

Teresa: I love staying in hotels. Even cheesy chain hotels. I love the tiny shampoo, the white towels, watching horrible American TV on cable. And when they give you one of those teeny coffee makers? Aaaahhh.

Photo: chidorian

Tim (@TCPatterson): I can’t stop myself from pulling the odd prank while on the road. In Japan I would sometimes go fishing with a fly-rod in parks and shopping malls. A ¥1,000 note makes great bait, and I would catch everyone from old ladies to salary men. No hooks of course, just tape, though once my line got tangled in the spokes of a man’s bicycle.

In Boulder, Colorado, I switch it up and go hippie fishing instead, replacing the money with a joint rolled with oregano. One time a bum chased that joint 3 blocks down Pearl Street. The best spot for hippie fishing in Boulder is the back steps of the Downer.

Tom Gates (@waywardlife): Pizza. I’ve been collecting my Worst Pizza pictures over the past six months, during my trip. No matter how bad I know it’s going to be I still can’t resist ordering it when I’ve overdosed on local cuisine. So far Chile takes the lead with this beauty. Note that the cheese is not melted and that the ham (cold) is about an inch thick. And yes, those are cherries on top.

Don’t be shy, tell us your dirty little secret below!

With special reporting by Carlo Alcos.

Photo: Kyle May

Alright, you’ve been to 220 countries. You’ve ridden in the front seat of a speeding Myanmar junta’s jeep, jumped into and splashed around the Citarum river, and kissed a woman (and a man) in Antarctica.

Wait, there’s only like 195 countries.

Point is, you think highly of your well-traveled self. And although the Citarum river swim may be a slight stretch of the truth, you’ve had many crazy and amazing adventures during your world travels.

But now you are pretty much tethered to one place, be it home or expat-land, and are wondering why people sigh when you walk toward them.

Or why your friend has banned comments from you on his blog – I mean, you only called his stories about visiting museums in Italy glib and a complete waste of time twice, for pete’s sake. Can’t the guy take a little constructive criticism?

Yeeah. Here’s some desperately needed advice, even if you don’t think you need it.

Trust me, you probably do.

1. Did I Tell You About The Time…?

Just because you think it’s important to know that the national dish of Azerbaijan, yarpag dolmasi, tastes divine, because of course you’ve made it yourself in the back of a little restaurant…(and thud! your friend’s head hits the table), doesn’t mean anyone else gives a damn.

Telling people stories about your travels can be highly entertaining for both sides involved, but whenever you start dropping in little-known-facts that really are only there to show off how much you’ve seen and done, I guarantee that eye-rolling and head smashing will commence.

Photo: kwerfeldein

2. I Am Right, You Are Wrong. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

When you read the travel postings of others, don’t tear down what they are saying because you’ve “experienced more” and “know better.” Yeech.

There is always room for noting a difference of opinion.

But there is no need to verbally abuse the author or what they have said even if you were an eyewitness to a situation that completely goes against what they are saying. Mention your experience and move on.

3. I Thrive On Adventure. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

Don’t act as if the people in your life who are focused on driving to and from work, getting their kids to dance class/soccer camp, or who enjoy watching Survivor, but would abhor the idea of ever participating in it, are less evolved.

Yeah, this one is easy to fall into. But everyone has a purpose in this lifetime, and it may not include flying off into the sunset. We need all types to keep this world a moving and a shaking, so appreciate that you are dependent on the wifi they keep up and running, enabling you to blog about that insane wave you witnessed at Desert Point, man.

4. I Only Visit Small, Unheard-Of Towns And Provinces. Therefore, I Am Better Than You.

Don’t act as if people who call London or Sydney or New York their favorite places to visit are less evolved.

I’m glad you braved traveling through the Congo. It’s wonderful that you took part in the Nettle Eating Championship in Dorset. It doesn’t make someone else less of a human being that they don’t want to have a similar experience.

5. This Place Is Soooo 1999.

Photo: howthebodyworks

Don’t say that [insert here] is SO much better at composting/recycling/biodynamic farming, offers SO much more organic, gluten-free, raw foods, has FANTASTIC public transportation/bars/restaurants/fine looking men and/or women.

Oh, I’m hugely guilty of this one. It can be so easy to just go on and on about how much better one place is than another.

Truth is, every place has their positives and negatives, and really, any place is what you make of it. So get over your trash (even if it’s in a pleasant tone) talk, and appreciate where you’ve landed (even if that’s home).

6. I Vibrate On A Higher Plain That Doesn’t Include Alcohol.

No need to show off how spiritual you are now that you’ve visited Thailand/India/a random ashram in nowhere, Maine.

I’m all for the spiritual epiphanies – they’re fantastic. But when you meet up with some of your old friends in Rio and they are ready to head out for the evening around midnight, the last thing they want to hear is you sniff haughtily and say, “I mustn’t go because I will be getting up at 4:30am for my three hour morning meditation.”

I know it can be hard to navigate a new-found spiritual lifestyle when it collides with your old, let’s say, more social ways, but you have to figure out a happy medium that doesn’t piss everyone off.

When it comes to spirituality, I’m personally all for the seen-and-not-heard path; this way, if people are interested, they’ll ask you about it. And then there’s no need to clobber them over the head with it, or more importantly, have them clobber you in the mouth.

What other seeds of wisdom do you have for the holier-than-thou traveler? Share your thoughts below.

During a recent bout of doing entirely too much work, I was dreaming of being on the beach.

Ah, thoughts of sand between my toes, slight breeze running through my hair, the sun beating down on my face. A trashy novel sitting by my side, which I’d glance at in between sips of my daiquiri/bloody mary/pina colada.

I might even paint my toes for the occasion, who knows?

And then, all of a sudden, a cloud begins to block my sun. Not to worry, I’m sure the cloud is just moving lazily through the sky the same way I’m moving through my martini.

The sun will be back in full swing in just a second.

Well, now it seems to be getting even darker out here, as if the sun is totally blocked. And a loud noise and swishing sound is beginning to hurt my ears. Am I going to have to take off my sunglasses, and the cucumbers on my eyes underneath them, to see what is going on?

Photo: W8EB / Feature photo: Richard Moross

Damn you, KLM!!

Got a too-close-for-comfort plane, train, or automobile story? Share your thoughts below.

He’s thinking about sex in the 1800’s / Photo

I had to chuckle when I came across a recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle that named the top 10 sex scandals in the history of the city.

San Fran, itself birthed from all of the scandal-prone bandits who found their way West, has had some doozies.

As the Chronicle reported:

San Francisco was one wild town in the mid-1800s when it lurched into prominence as a Gold Rush creation of loose pistols, loose wallets and loose women. Brothels proliferated and illegal homosexuality was winked at. Sex wasn’t so much a hush-hush Victorian taboo as it was an open way of life.

But, alas, things have changed a bit, and now the city houses a class of people that have a few reasons to blush.

Relatively recent ones include the “the cable car nymphomaniac” who knocked her head while riding one of the street cars, which unleashed a sexual deviant. She sued the transit system 5 years later, proclaiming the accident had caused her to take over 100 lovers because of her now insatiable need for lovin’.

And of course, the city’s current Mayor had an affair with his appointments secretary. Probably wouldn’t have been that big a deal, but she was the wife of his best friend and campaign manager. Oops. And yeah, he was still re-elected, though with a different campaign manager, I assume.

I decided there are probably even more scandalous scandals out in the rest of the world over the past few 1000 or so years, and it was up to me to research this hard-to-handle subject area.

And boy, were there. Here’s a list of eight ones that stuck out above the others for one reason or another.

1. Queen Hottie

Cleopatra

Cleopatra. She rocked it, first with Julius Caeser and then Mark Antony, causing both of their downfalls. Hot mama? Go figure.

2. Lost Heads

Henry VIII. Has anyone had more movies made and books written about him (well, at least the Tudors)? He became bored with a wife, or needed a new one for political purposes, and well, you know what happened (to be fair, only two were beheaded). Not sure I personally would have stepped up to the plate, say after number two…

3. Horsing Around

Catherine the Great. Yeah, you’ve heard the death rumors, maybe even in your 7th grade World History class. A woman with a penchant for horses between her legs (I’m just talking about her love for riding horses astride), along with a healthy sexual appetite. Did it lead to her death?

This one is a rumor that according to Robert Wilde came about because “her voracious sexual appetite – while modest by modern standards – meant that the rumours [of her death] had to be even wilder.”

4. Brotherly Love

JFK – gets migraines without sex.

JFK. Not sure where to begin with him, so I’ll just focus on the whole pass-Marilyn-off-to-my-brother-when-I’m-done situation.

Well, that about does it.

Ok, here’s a bit more: in a short written history of the President, the author noted Kennedy once told a friend “you know, I get a migraine headache if I don’t get a strange piece of ass every day” (though one book claims it was Jack who had the problems in bed).

For a longer list of political scandals, check out Forbes’ A World Of Sex Scandals or Time’s Top 10 Political Sex Scandals.

5. Slick Willy

Bill Clinton. Sorry, had to do it. Although the ridiculousness of the focus on this one (”I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman”) made the US the laughing stock of the world, who didn’t (other than Hillary) wish we could go back to the days of Monica and the impeachment during Bush’s tour de force?

It’s been said many times before and I’ll say it again: When Clinton lied, nobody died. Well, at least no one who was a part of the sex scandal.

6. Slicker Willie

Willlie Knuckles. Haven’t heard of him? Well, he was the Chief of Staff in Liberia until February 2007…until photographs of him fully nude with two women other than his wife surfaced in the papers. He served under President Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, a longtime campaigner for women’s rights.

Although his behavior was not deemed “illegal,” the whole wife-and-kids package made it just a bit, well, immoral.

7. Teeny Bopper

Edison Chen, playboy no more?

This list has to include some scandalous movie stars, considering the industry and scandal are one-in-the-same.

Edison Chen. Hong Kong’s movie star (he was in the award winning The Grudge 2, apparently) Chen liked to use his status to have some sexy time with the (younger) ladies. This included Gillian Chung, a teeny-bop pop star who’s been in ads for Disneyland; Cecilia Cheung and Bobo Chan, two other actresses; and several other lesser stars, with some regular girls thrown in for good measure.

Though it might have been a light affair in say, the UK, when pictures of Chen and his lady friends hit the newspapers in Hong Kong in 2008, the country was in an uproar. Check out some “edited” pictures of the obviously virile Chen at Gawker.com.

8. Amateur Filmmaker

Hayden Kho. A cosmetic surgeon in the Philippines recently rocked the devoutly Catholic country to its core.

Seems he enjoyed going beyond the friendly doctor-patient relationship into the steamy arena of sexual home-movie land. With young actresses. Four of them.

While in the US, these types of videos would guarantee unfounded fame and money been thrown at you for the next ten years for party appearances (ok, sorry, I had to reference Paris. I just HAD to), in the Philippines, it pretty much means these actresses’ lives are over.

Now they’re straight to DVD, as hawkers sell the videos on street corners of Manila.

When it comes to sex, it seems we never learn.

What other sex scandals should make the list? Share your thoughts below.

A group of kids, Ethiopia / Photo Dave Bouskill

“You, You, You, give me money, give me money.”

After cycling through the East African Nation of Ethiopia, these phrases will forever be ingrained in my brain.

Brought to the Worlds attention through Live Aid in the 1980’s, Ethiopia is largely remembered in the West for its drought and famine.

Today it is a lush and vibrant country filled with lakes, jungles and mountainous vistas cutting through the Rift Valley. The Nile runs south to its source at Lake Tana and it houses the incredibly beautiful Blue Nile Gorge.

It is exactly these features that make it one of the most difficult countries in Africa to cycle through.

The roads are rocky and sometimes non-existent, the mountain climbs are treacherous and the extreme heat and altitude can take its toll on anyone. It is a serious challenge, but with enough training and preparation, one can handle the elements.

There is no way however, to prepare for the thousands of children that will use you for target practice as you make your way down the country.

Terms of Endearment

Biking hard, avoiding rocks / Photo Dave Bouskill

Throughout my 23 days in Ethiopia, I was whipped with a bullwhip, slashed at with a machete, had gravel thrown in my face, and rocks of various sizes hurled at me from all directions.

Maybe it was a term of endearment. Maybe it was their way of saying I like you… the way a little boy pulls a girl’s hair to show he has a crush on her.

Whatever it was, there was no escaping their wrath, no reasoning with the little boys who were up to no good – and no way of knowing when the next pack was going to strike.

But how can you blame them – they must have thought we were nuts. In Ethiopia, bikes are ridden for necessity and work. It gets them from point A to point B.

“Why are these crazy foreigners torturing themselves riding through unbearable heat and climbing insane mountains dressed in their silly spandex and bike helmets?”

I had to admire the kids’ talent and perfect aim. They could make a rock zip through the air with great distance and precision. Forget going to the Dominican Republic or Japan. Major League Baseball scouts need to go to Ethiopia for their next draft season.

There is a star pitcher in every village we passed through.

Craving Relief

Ethiopia’s mountains can reach over 4000 meters in altitude. For hours on end, I struggled at a mere 6km per hour up steep inclines.

The dreaded staff / Photo Dave Bouskill

Children would run beside me, never seeming to tire. I was frustrated, but even more embarrassed. Here I was on a high tech machine and these kids could run backwards faster than I could turn my pedals.

I craved silence to wallow alone in my misery, but instead the group of children yelled their infamous chant. “You, you, you, give me money, give me money.” They grabbed at my pack, pulled on my wheel and tried to hop on for a ride.

They slapped my butt numerous times before I realized it was their way of figuring out the material of my cycling shorts.

Even finishing a climb couldn’t bring relief.

In Ethiopia, the descents are more punishing than the climb itself. The rough roads would shake my body like a jackhammer… and always, I had to be on guard for more children.

It seemed that every child carried a staff to control their herds of cattle. They didn’t hesitate to try to stick their weapon of choice through the spokes of my tires.

Little girls would jump out in front of me as I careened in at top speed, forcing me to swerve wildly to avoid a collision. They didn’t understand the danger that they were putting themselves in. They would just laugh and run away.

Friendship In Many Forms

With great relief I made it to the Kenyan border in one piece. I can’t say that I will miss cycling in Ethiopia, but I would like to go back and travel it by local transport and stay in the villages.

I would stop and take the time to get to know the people better. Racing through on a bicycle didn’t give me a chance to really connect with anyone. I was too busy trying to make it to camp before the sun went down.

I never did figure out why the children would throw rocks at us.

Maybe they wanted us to stop and say hello…or maybe they were just bored. Maybe they wanted to be a part of what we were doing.

I just wish their friendship wasn’t so painful.

Have you had painful, or unsusual, experiences with local children? Share your stories in the comments!

Photo: Shemer/ Feature photo: myconfinedspace

Happiness…does it come from money? Work? Love? Travel?

Well, according to a recent Forbes article, overall economic health plays a key role in determining who are the happiest people on Earth.

The Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD) released a report about the hows and why of the world’s happiest places.

Denmark, Finland and the Netherlands found their way to the top. Apparently, these countries have been hit the least by the economic downturn: there is low unemployment, a good work-life balance, yadi yadi yada.

I have a different hypothesis.

The Joy Of The Ride

I think happiness might have a little something to do with how often you go to one of Cracked.com’s world’s most baffling theme parks.

Think about it: you’ve got Diggerland in four UK locations for all those unlucky enough to not have climbed aboard John Deere tractors at the State Fair in Kansas; New York City’s not-yet-fully-developed Nintendo Amusement Park, where men can remain little boys forever; and who needs the Bodhi tree in Bodhgaya when you can ride go-karts AND rub the Buddha’s belly all in one place at Vietnam’s Suoi Tien Cultural Amusement Park?

Non-Disney characters at Shijingshan/ Photo: Beijing 2008

Plus, I can really get tired of those boring old Disney characters.

So thank God the characters at Beijing Shijingshan Amusement Park are, according to park officials, definitely NOT based on anything remotely Disney (see picture).

The REAL Happiest Place On Earth

But without a doubt, the happiest place on Earth must be South Korea’s Jeju Love Land (well, for the over-18 crowd, at least).

This park boasts (literally) a giant stone penis, statues of sex positions I’ve never seen before, and naturally, a gift shop. For some NSFW pictures of some of the sculptures, check out My[confined]Space.

So popular is Love Land that they decided to become a chain. And what place did it seem to make most sense to open the next sex park? China, duh.

Sadly, readers, just as I was booking my ticket to Love Land’s October opening in Chongqing, I learned it has been demolished. Seems some Chinese officials thought the park was “vulgar, ill-minded and misleading.” Luckily, I believe the original in Korea will keep going for a long, long, LONG time.

Well, I guess I might have to settle on heading over to Denmark’s Bon Bon Land and enjoying the wind on the Hundeprutterutchebane, otherwise known as the Dog-Fart-Switchback.

Hmmm, maybe happiness IS about economic health. You’ve got to be reasonably comfortable monetarily in order to get into these theme parks, right?

Can you find happiness in a theme park? Share your thoughts below.

Photo: Jessica Shannon/ Feature photo: stuartpilbrow

We here at the Matador Network have been contemplating the whys of traveling during the global recession, how exactly to go about traveling during this currency-strapped time, and how to handle it all by becoming a spiritual activist.

The folks over at F* the ReDepression, however, are taking a different approach to dealing with our global party’s-over “don’t-have-to-go-home-but-you-can’t-stay-here” meltdown.

Along with their handy-dandy tagline, “Might as well, it’s going to f* you,” they recently compiled the top 10 ways to F* the ReDepression, introducing the piece with these instructions:

First things first: You gotta believe. After that, who knows. At FTRD, we believe that the best way to FTRD is to pretend like it isn’t happening. This is the same strategy that FDR used while the Nazis rampaged Europe from 1933 to 1941. It worked then, and it will work now.

Other tasty tips include:

• Move to… China? (def. not Europe, the UK or South America. and DEFINITELY not Africa)
• Get a government job. They control everything. They print the money. You oughta roll with them!
• Get a second family. If your new family has working-age children you just doubled your workforce!
• Collect unemployment. Wait, how is this not #1? Stop reading this and go get it NOW.

Be sure to check out the rest of their list.

The Good News

What about a positive that stems from the greed of all those banker fat-cats?

Well, a group just granted the right to marry in Vermont is shouting a big fat “Hell-No!” to recession. Gay and lesbian travel is forecasted to be higher than heterosexual travel this summer.

The recession has also spawned hilarious t-shirts and cups to express your recession-depression frustrations to the world. Check out Recession Junction’s plethora of choices, including my favorites, “I will cut you, bitch!” and “Alms for the Poor.”

Last but certainly not least, when you are really down, you know who to turn to…The Onion. They’ve put together a video of the best reality show ever, Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods.

What has kept you smiling during the economic crisis? Share your thoughts below.

Photo: Kevin Hutchinson / Feature dude: kandyjaxx

A few years ago, I enrolled in what is called a practice period at the San Francisco Zen Center.

A practice period is defined as a period of time in which one commits to 6-9 weeks of daily morning and evening meditation and Wednesday night Sangha talks.

While I highly recommend enrolling in a practice period, a beginner should know the basic rules of a Zen Center before their first day.

I did not do my homework, and as a result, I always seemed to be getting reprimanded for something. I was like Maria in The Sound of Music, running late for service after experiencing pleasure.

For any soon-to-be Zen students, I’ve shared my words of advice below. Hopefully you can avoid hearing the monks break out into song upon your tardy arrival.

1. DON’T stay up late.

SF Zen Center / Photo: Kevin Hutchinson

A practice period student must meditate every morning from 5:40-6:20 and then again in the evening. I was working late nights doing sound for bands where the shows didn’t end until 3 or 4 in the morning.

With no time to shower, I’d stumble out of bed smelling like smoke and alcohol, and have to stay awake for 40 minutes sitting in lotus. In other words, try and go to bed by 9pm.

2. DON’T take the first cup of coffee.

I’d be the first at the coffee pot before meditation, replacing the pot with my mug so that I could get the first possible sips of coffee. “That’s bad Karma,” a monk told me one morning. “The first drops are the strongest and tastiest.”

3. DON’T read the New York Times before meditation.

“How can you have a clear mind if you read the news?” a monk asked me one morning when I was caught reading The New York Times before meditation.

4. DON’T wear strong colors.

The meditation master looked at me disapprovingly when I wore my pink t-shirt with a unicorn on it into the Zendo. I stood out like a newly formed zit among all the black robes.

5. DON’T bring your cell phone into the meditation room

Even if you turn it on vibrate. When the Zendo is dead silent and everbody is meditating, the vibration sounds like the rumble of a large earthquake.

1. DO sign up for a practice period at the last minute.

Monks’ shoes / Photo: magical-world

Apparently, because I was the last person to sign up for the practice period, I got the best room. The San Francisco Zen Center was overbooked, so they had no other choice but to give me Suzuki Roshi’s room, a renowned Buddhist scholar.

The room wasn’t as austere as the other rooms. It had its own bathroom with a bathtub, a kitchen with a refrigerator, and a balcony that looked over a beautiful courtyard.

It was nicer than my apartment.

2. DO hang out on roof of the Zen Center if you need a break or a cigarette.

Everything that is “let go” in the Zen Center thrives on the Zen Center roof (if it has one). Flowers and plants cover the roof’s walls, deck and tables, the excess growth from the Japanese flower arrangements assembled by the monks. Only one or two spartan arrangements make it downstairs, and the rest blooms on the roof in all their unruliness.

Monks that fall prey to their addictions and craving assemble on the roof – smoking monks, sunbathing monks and monks reading Self Matters by Dr. Phil.

3. DO notice your lover’s shoes so you can see if he’s sleeping around.

One big rule at the Zen Center is that you can’t wear shoes in your room – they must be left outside the door. Shoes are always shifting around depending upon who is sleeping with whom at the Zen Center.

In fact, a book was just published about promiscuity and the SF Zen Center called Shoes Outside the Door: Desire, Devotion, and Excess at San Francisco Zen Center.

4. DO eat the vegetarian food.

It’s delicious. Also, I lost ten pounds without even trying.

5. DO adhere to the meditation schedule.

It is amazing (and humbling) to watch many of the exact same thoughts repeat themselves day after day, without progression or variation. And the point of going to a Zen Center in the first place is to meditate, right?

Have you visited a Zen Center? Share your tips in the comments!

Community Connection

Need some more Zen? Check out 10 Best Zen Stories For Travelers or 7 Zen Productivity Tips For Travelers.

Here’s a little something fun for your Friday:

The rats are quite cute when they play, aren’t they? / Photo source / Feature: anniemole

Even though this is a (fake) New York subway advisory, many people who have traveled the world over or live in a metropolitan area can relate (and yet New York’s Metro PA system certainly has it’s own specific flavor, doesn’t it? Garblegarblegarble).

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) system costs an arm and a leg, stops at 1am just in time for the 2am clubbers to drive home across the Bay Bridge after they’ve been drinking all night, and only has six stops in the actual city of San Francisco.

But, it’s pretty clean on the whole, has air conditioning (though we rarely need it), and the BART people tend to be helpful.

My favorite train systems I’ve encountered so far have been the tube in London (although I know many people will not agree, and there is that whole soot-filled-snot thing that happens when you ride it too much) and the U-Bahn in Berlin. I don’t even speak German and I was able to figure that one out almost instantly.

And although this advisory makes some good points, gotta appreciate the fact that you can get ANYWHERE in New York pretty darn easily in a relatively inexpensive manner.

That is…If you can figure out what they’re mumbling to change trains halfway to your destination.

What are some of the ups and downs of different subway systems throughout the world? Share your thoughts below.