Photo: Aeturnum

Goodbyes have always made me want to bolt out of the moment.

I’m horrible at them, feeling as if I should be feeling more than I am. Or that I should be saying something meaningful. Or at least wishing I didn’t want to hop in my car and speed away.

Of course later, I’m left with the grief of the goodbye, the pain of the ending, the overwhelming desire to get back to that moment and roll around in all of its glorious agony.

The rain falls steadily outside, and I tear up as I write, not knowing if a goodbye I just experienced moments ago is a temporary one, or one that may be more permanent. It is partially the unknown that haunts me, the fear of beauty and goodness disappearing from my life.

Goodbyes are rarely easy for any of us. So it came as no surprise that the BNT piece, 5 Golden Rules For Saying Goodbye On The Road, struck a cord with many of you since connecting with people on our trips is inevitable, and so is bidding them farewell. As author Natalie Grant noted:

The dreaded farewell is the one inevitable remainder at the end of your travel equation. Alas, such is the bittersweet lifestyle of those who are constantly in motion.

The trip of life is really no different – if you are open to incredible new people coming into your life, even when you aren’t physically in motion, you sometimes have to grapple with when and how to let them go. Sometimes I think – no, I know – there is a better way to say goodbye than my approach. Mary Jaksch in her article, Why Mindful Goodbyes Lead to a Life without Regrets, reminded me that intention goes a long way:

Antiquated goodbye formulations, such as ‘fare-well’, or the even older, ‘fare thee well’ reveal that at the heart, goodbyes are blessings. We bless the other person’s going and coming, wishing that they may be well while away…In order to make our goodbyes a blessing, all we have to do is to pay attention to the moment and create an intention of goodwill in our heart.

My mind making a bee-line for the metaphorical open road disregards this blessing, which also diminishes the possibility of closure. So my thoughts return later to that moment, thirsty for the promise of peace I didn’t allow to enter. Jaksch recommends, “When you hug stay close to the one you love for at least one complete in- and out-breath,” which pays “tender regard” to the other person.

Of course different cultures express hellos and goodbyes in their own form, but the key is to feel that heart and breath connection as you share an embrace.

The truth is, none of us ever know when we may be saying our last goodbye to a loved one. Some are obvious, such as parting at a train station to take off in different directions, while others come as a shock when an accident occurs, a surprise move transpires, or an untimely death happens.

My goodbye today included the blessing of a few tears shed in the moment. I guess I’m on my way.

How do you make your goodbyes meaningful? Share your thoughts below.

Photo: Natalie Grant

If someone tells you they think a passionate kiss goodbye at the train station seems romantic, that’s because they’ve never had to do it.

The dreaded farewell is the one inevitable remainder at the end of your travel equation. Alas, such is the bittersweet lifestyle of those who are constantly in motion.

It’s a double-edged sword, because bonding with someone you meet along the way does make your trip that much more special; but when forced to part ways, it can be downright depressing to journey on alone.

Seasoned travelers are pros at it: they’re delighted to have met you but not conflicted about nudging you back out of their day. Newborns tend to sink that grappling hook into the first English-speaking human they see (’Can I friend you on Facebook?!’)

The rest of us let things come as they will, heart-strings tugged or not tugged accordingly.

Whether it’s a new best friend or a sudden soul-mate, having someone you care about depart for the other side of the world just plain blows.

Which is why traveling is like gliding: if you’re too worried about hitting the ground, you miss the view. Instead seek to master the tricky art of farewells, here are some suggestions that might help.

Golden Rule #1

Hang on tightly, let go lightly. Think of your brief friendships as the best kind of bear hugs – warm, close, and strong. The more you fight the release, the less chance you’ll be left with that sensational just-hugged feeling.

If you doubt your ability to let go lightly, just keep pretending you will and you might do it on impulse when the time comes. Simply recite this rule as a mantra on repeat until you give yourself over to your inner emotional ninja.

Golden Rule #2

Photo: Natalie Grant

Try to live only in the present moment. I received this slice of “mind-blowing wisdom” from the Greek man who tied my bungee cord at the Corinth Canal bridge.

The reason he loves his job, he admitted to me, is because he gets to watch people transform: when they’re about to jump, the only thing they can think of is breathing. No emails, work schedules, cable bills, dogfood, lost car keys… What they see and feel in the moment – that’s it.

We’re constantly fretting over what needs to be done tomorrow, what happened last week, what our future’s screaming at us. Even while you read this you’re probably thinking about three other things. Life would be sweeter if we could train ourselves to live in the present more often.

Trust me, enjoying your last minutes together at the airport is better spent without glancing at your watch.

Golden Rule #3

Embrace weak excuses to reunite. A distant cousin’s ex-wife, an internet graduation, a possible part-time unpaid internship that you have no intention of applying for… stretch it out. It’s not that hard to arrange a visit – save money, book a ticket, and just go.

Even if it doesn’t work out the same way it did the first time you met, you’ll probably still have a hell of a time, and an even better story for the grandkids.

When you make promises to meet up with people across the world, and follow through on what some (*cough* boring) people might call a whim, the feeling of being together again is more exhilarating and precious than you can imagine.

Two ocean-divided friends of mine followed through to meet up this year, and now they’re married. Life’s too short for heavy thinking and rational planning.

Golden Rule #4

Turn the time limit around until it works to your advantage. Knowing you don’t have the luxury to play those ridiculous dating mind-games people are so good at these days (i.e., “call you next week sometime?”) allows you to get over yourself and just do what you genuinely feel like.

We used to joke at a hostel I stayed at once that travel-relationships were normal relationships on speed. Three days feels like three weeks, and a month two years. You get to know each other much too well in a very short amount of time, and you battle random obstacles you’d never even ponder at home.

So why not embrace that seldom-offered opportunity to hit those relationship curveballs, sans the heavy commitment? If you want to be closer to someone, heave the mind-games out the window and be upfront. There’s no time but now – literally.

Golden Rule #5

Learn from the masters. Ah, the goodbye scenes. And the reunions! Buy some full-fat popcorn, put your feet up and re-watch those classic moments of farewell (and moments of ‘I changed my mind’): Before Sunrise, Same Time Next Year, Serendipity, Love Actually, Romancing the Stone, Casablanca… the list goes on.

What mistakes did those fools make that you’d rather not emulate? What moments have you secretly reenacted in your foggy bathroom mirror?

See You Later

When in doubt, adopt the “let’s not and say we did” philosophy: as in, just don’t say goodbye, and then you won’t have to say goodbye. A simple “see you later” has much the same effect. If he or she really is that special to you, then you’re not lying. You will see them later.

Like anything, it takes practice. Grow a thicker skin, learn to love your naïve little heart until that which is inconvenient becomes endearing; keep those relationships special, even if they end when the terminal gate closes.

Remember: happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.

What are your tips for goodbyes on the road? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Photo: Wonderlane

Mom always said it’s important to hang out with the right people.

Well, not my mom, of course – she’s a bit anti-social. But you know, moms in general. And I have no doubt that mine at least hoped that the people I decided to hang out with would not be hoodlums and dark-side types.

As I find myself reading a few blogs lately about surrounding yourself with the “right people,” I can’t help but wonder exactly what that means. I understand these authors are saying that the people in your life should support you, be positive lights of energy, and help in guiding or lifting you to the next level. But what exactly is the protocol here?

D. Paul Reilly tackles this subject in his recent article at the Nassau Guardian, Surround Yourself With the Best. He states:

…For someone to continue to have a happy, successful, and indeed contented life, I honestly believe, that a person needs to have friends who are literally on the same ‘Wavelength’ so to speak, as he or she is; a person who is for the most part positive, enthusiastic, and upbeat for most of the time.

Alright, I can dig it. Upbeat is good, and feeling this way propels us forward.

Havi Brooks over at The Fluent Self takes the idea a bit further. She notes in her post, Re-explaining the Right People thing, that surrounding yourself with the right people is key, but that this doesn’t mean there are “wrong” people, or that some of us are the “chosen” ones. Everyone’s got their right people, which makes everyone a right person for someone else.

We just have to figure out who our right people are:

It’s not about exclusion. It’s about discernment…When I surround myself with stuff/people/concepts that are loving and supportive, it makes it easier for me to be the kind of person who can have love and support in her life.

More sentiments I can stand behind. Yet, what I can’t help but wonder is how often our preconceived notions block out people that could be fantastic allies or even a simple growth instigator? (Like that term? I may trademark it).

What if Wrong is Right?

Photo: Wonderlane

I can honestly say one of the reasons I’m so drawn to travel is that I find myself more open to people that might be considered “wrong” for me than I would at home. Given, they may actually be the “right people,” just not obvious to the naked eye.

But if we are closed off to those who we “intuitively” sense (which is sometimes mixed up with reactions based on previous experiences in our lives) are not good for us, how will we ever know they are actually right?

I admit, I struggle with this issue. Some of my closest friendships developed from the other person seeking me out, sometimes over and over again. People I initially didn’t feel a connection with or a particular interest in getting to know better, or even those who seemed “against” me, are now definitely some of my biggest allies.

Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup, tackles the issue of situational unfairness in her post Life Is Not Fair. She comes out the other side with this nugget:

We can’t expect fairness and we can’t expect positive outcomes to all of our dilemmas. The most we can do with what we are given (whether it’s good, bad or indifferent) is to do our work and be the best person we can be surrounded by the best people we can surround ourselves with…love is an action and love makes everything else easier.

Love is an action, and feeling as much love as possible feeds us. But can love for those who may seem to be our enemy, or even lack a supportive nature, feed us too? I’m not saying everyone in our lives should be unsupportive bastards. I’m just wondering if there is wiggle room around deciding who is “right” to have in our lives, especially around the less obvious ones.

Is life more about being open to all people, and trusting the “right” people will find their way to the top, or about constantly assessing through intuition and other means who is helpful to keep in, or cut from, your life? I would really love some feedback on this, because I’m actually (for once) at a loss.

What do you think about having the “right” people in your life? Share your thoughts below.

The author (right) with the baby elephant “Faa Mai” in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Scott Meredith (left) from Conscious Media Network

A decade ago, if you would have talked to me about communicating with animals I would have said you were nuts.

Unexpectedly over the last few years, my studies and work in the field of conflict resolution has led me to theories that link conflict between humans to conflict between humans, animals, and the natural world.

It is believed that all living beings have an innate capacity to communicate with one another (this includes plants). These theories claim that if we resolved our conflict with animals, we’d find that we can actually communicate with them.

I found the idea at first to be outrageous. Yet, with a curious spirit, an open mind and the willingness to experiment, I’ve had some fascinating and unexpected experiences.

When you communicate with an animal you will likely experience a “zone” that is unlike what you normally feel in communication with humans. The closest experience might be the non-verbal awareness of holding a baby or being with a lover.

It is an embodied physical experience. In this space we are tuned into our sensations. Our intuition guides us.

It is a long lost human capacity, that most, if not all, indigenous cultures once had. Derrick Jensen’s “A Language Beyond Words” and David Abrams’ “Spell of the Sensuous” are two great introductions to this topic. Trainings that can assist developing these capacities to engage with wild animals include the teachings of the animal tracker Tom Brown and Buddhist walking meditation.

Journey To Thailand

My most recent explorations of human-animal communication have occurred in northern Thailand, with an animal that has one of the most ancient relationships with humans – an animal that as a child I considered one of the most exotic creatures on earth – the elephant.

Statue in Bangkok / Photo: Ian MacKenzie

In Thailand, the relationship between humans and elephants is anything but exotic. An enduring symbol of Thailand, the elephant is at the very center of the culture and history of the region.

Historically, elephants were used in war and as beasts of burden to build the country. Spiritually, the elephant is significant because of a legend that Buddha’s mother dreamt of a white elephant before she conceived, and also because of Ganesha, the Hindu god with an elephant’s head.

Africa is the ultimate destination for a wilderness experience of the largest land animal, but for a human-animal experience, the place to go is northern Thailand where the slightly smaller Asian elephant resides.

It is unlikely that anyone visiting Thailand won’t see real elephants. Many tourists ride elephants on treks through the jungle and go to elephant shows, where the animals perform tricks that demonstrate incredible coordination and intelligence.

But the unavoidable elephant experience in Thailand is the surreal slow sight of a colossal grey-brown creature delicately stepping down the middle of a hectic tourist-filled street led by young men begging for money.

The Elephant Whisperer

Elephants are renowned for their intelligence and sensitivity. Some people studying elephants wonder if the emotional intelligence of elephants is comparable to or even greater than that of humans.

Lek with the elephant / Photo: Azriel Cohen

Whatever the truth is, there is no question that the human-elephant relationship is very special.

My most insightful encounters with human-elephant communication have been around the Elephant Nature Park, an elephant sanctuary and rescue center about one hour outside of Chiang Mai, northern Thailand.

I spent time with Sanduen ‘Lek’ Chailert, founder of the park who some refer to as The Elephant Whisperer, because of her special ability to communicate with elephants.

When she was five years old, her grandfather, the healer and shaman of her hill tribe village, received an elephant as a gift for saving a child’s life. He gave the elephant to Lek and mentored her as to how to engage with and heal wild animals.

Most Thais working with elephants believe that without breaking an elephant’s spirit, the elephant is incredibly dangerous. Lek believes that the elephants can be trained to have a safe relationship with humans, solely through the use of positive reinforcement and love.

Breaking Them Down

One of the goals of the park is to gently influence the tourism market so that elephants that live naturally are more attractive to visit than elephant shows.

Most tourists have no idea that in order to train elephants to submit to the guidance of a mahout (the elephant’s friend, caretaker and trainer) and to do tricks – such as painting and playing soccer – the elephant must have its spirit broken.

There is a long tradition in Thailand of a training ritual called phajan, where the elephant is confined in a cage for a number of days, poked and beaten, until it becomes scared of humans and loses its natural self-confidence.

Lek’s approach is revolutionizing the way people think about elephants and elephant tourism.

The elephants at the park, many of them physically and psychologically damaged from work injuries and abuse, are encouraged to lead as natural a life as possible. There are no elephant shows or elephant rides. Visitors can observe them, feed them, bathe them and walk with them.

During my visit, the park was at an historic moment – for the first time a baby elephant was born to one of Lek’s elephants. The new baby elephant, called Faa Mai (meaning “new sky”), Lek hopes, will offer her the opportunity to demonstrate to the world that her theory of disciplining elephants is realistic.

Into The Pen

I watched Lek as she entered a closed pen, and began to play with the 25 day old baby elephant beneath the shadow of her massive mother elephant (adults can be up to 4 meters/12 feet high and weigh 3,000–5,000 kgs/6,500–11,000 lbs).

Lek invited my friend and I into the pen.

Under normal conditions it is extremely dangerous to be close to a mother and baby elephant. Tiny Lek, with absolute confidence and clarity conveyed to us that it was safe and explained to us where to go and what to do, so the mother would feel safe with us physically playing with her baby.

With an almost comically undersized trunk that it is still trying to figure out how to coordinate, a baby elephant is unbelievably cute…and bizarre.

From a human vantage point it has features that make it look much older than the adult elephants. Humans get more facial creases as we age, while baby elephants go in reverse like Benjamin Button, beginning with ancient creased faces that smooth out as they mature.

Zoning With Baby

The baby sleeps / Photo: Azriel Cohen

The 100 kg hairy baby “played,” trying to knock us over like a crazed rugby player.

When it tired, the elephant placed its head onto the lap of my friend, nearly crushing him in the process. But the baby was restless. I sensed that it was waiting for a specific kind of touch somewhere on its body.

When I “listened” to my own body I felt that I should lay my palm on the baby’s head, on its leathery cheek, just under and in front of its ear. The baby responded.

Within seconds its energy shifted from twitching around and flapping its ears to completely dropping into a deep sleep. From the tip of its undersized trunk, I could hear snoring. I had put a baby elephant to sleep!

For 10 minutes, I held my hand on the baby elephant while using some further techniques (which I’ll describe in a future article).

Later, walking with Lek among a small group of elephants in knee high grass, The Elephant Whisperer turned to me and said “People might say I am crazy to say this…but elephants can read thoughts.”

I wondered what it means that elephants can read thoughts. Perhaps, with enough effort, it is another lost human capacity waiting to be reclaimed.

Update: Watch Conscious Media Network’s interview with Lek Chailert

Have you experienced this physical “knowing” with an animal? Share your experiences in the comments!

Shy / Photo: a hundred visions

When cruising the streets of any hectic Asian city you will see them. You will judge them. You will either respect them and it or you will not.

You might see them walk hand in hand. Maybe he will have an arm around her. Maybe she will cling to him as if there’s no day tomorrow. You will see her dedication to him. And maybe you will see how much he enjoys the attention of a young feisty girl.

It’s all about the love between two people. A young Asian girl and an old grey man that has seen better days.

Can you call this love?

It all depends on the definition of the word “love”. There are many different levels of love and many ways of feeling this “love.”

More or less any poor Asian girl knows that if she lands a Westerner it means security. She needs it and she wants it. Her family is dependent on it and they know if there’s no cash on the table there’s no food in the belly.

Another Perspective

Through her eyes: picture a family of eight and where the youngest sister recently returned home with a new born baby, all living in a one room shed. A hole in the floor functions as a toilet and a bucket provides a cold shower. The kitchen is the fire they start outside their wooden entrance and only door.

You get desperate. You need money. You need security and you do not care how. Desperation for survival eats its way inside you.

Seeing the elderly Westerners who you know are looking for a good time, you start getting ready. Throw on your nicest piece of clothing and whatever make-up you are lucky enough to have and out you go. The bars, the streets, the restaurants even the corner of any highway.

When people look at you, they know. They think their thoughts about you and you feel humiliated, cheap and scared. But what you are most scared of is not being able to feed your sister’s baby and your family.

A man comes up to you and starts a conversation. You feel insecure about what to say. You want to say the right thing. You want him to like you, to take you in, to fall in love with you. To save you.

The Dream

It happens, the greatest thing you ever dreamt of happens. You pinch yourself making sure it’s real, that in this moment, in this time, in this place. It’s real!

Looking back / Photo: i see you

He feeds you, takes you to nice up beat restaurants, you hold his hand. You sleep with him and he treats you well. He’s a good man. An old man but a sincere man. You get to know more about him and him about you. He tells you he’s lonely and lives in a cold country on the other side of the world.

You cling to him; you feel “love” for him. You tell him you “love” him and after a while he says “okay.”

Your family starts to eat better; the baby is safe and healthy. He gives you money twice a month to help you and your family lead a better life.

Then he’s gone, back to his home country and your whole world falls apart. What now? The desperation you felt before meeting this wonder of a man starts burning inside of you again.

Then he calls: “Let’s go open a bank account and I will transfer the money to you while being home”. You feel relieved. You feel calm and most grateful to this God of a man.

A Reason To Live

Is this love? The answer would be yes and no.

She loves him of the fact that he helps her. We, the ones born and raised in a country where hunger is not an issue; far away from the world of poverty. We don’t see things the same way.

What we care about is having the right car, the cool shoes, the modern brands, the fashionable clothes, and the only desperation you feel is being cool enough join the community of the ridiculous materialistic world you live in.

He loves her too. She gives him a reason to live, even at home. He calls her, tells her what he’s been doing and how his side of the world treats him. They share stories, thoughts, smiles, and maybe even secrets.

They do have a relationship; they are together as a couple. Their exist in a world of their own.

What would you think if your father began dating this girl?

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Feature photo by Mystic200. Photo above by Steven Fernandez.

In Morocco in 1999, I fell for a guy who was gorgeous: piercing blue eyes, an amazing smile, and a dusty backpack. I was madly in love with him. But as it turned out, he was manipulative, abusive, and horrible.

You don’t see a lot of information about how to deal with terrible relationships when you’re on the road – it’s all about love-sunsets-beautiful-backdrops-for-our-never-ending-amour.

So what do you do when you’re 19, far from home, and subjected to abuse?

Standard anti-abuse messages focus on physical and sexual abuse, leaving adolescents mostly unaware of what constitutes emotional abuse; yet more women are emotionally abused than physically abused by their male partners. And emotional abuse often leads to physical abuse and sexual assault.

Emotions run high on the road and the nature of travel means you’re often separated from your support group. Be open to new experiences, but also be aware that not every experience will be a good one. Be trusting, but remember that not everyone is worthy of trust. Remember that emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Photo by KoAn La Scrivana.

The same signs of abuse occur when you’re in Tuscany as when you’re at home:

• Does your partner try to control your actions or feelings?
• Does your partner belittle or insult you, or use threats to coerce you into doing what he wants?
• Do you get mixed messages, like he is only hurting you because he loves you so much?
• Do your needs and wants always come second?

Doubt and Responsibility

It is easy to doubt yourself, especially if you haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships before. An abuser may cause you to doubt yourself and your desires, and require your constant, unwavering attention.

Healthy partnerships, while requiring some amount of compromise, do not involve constant giving in. You should feel loved and supported, not uncertain. Relationships are built on trust and communication; if something happens that hurts you, that your partner refuses to talk about, or denies, this can also be a sign of abuse.

You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Only your own.

Just because you have watched the sun rise from the first class coach on the midnight train to Bangladesh, or ridden an elephant in the jungles of Borneo together, that does not mean your new sweetie is absolved if he starts acting like a jerk. Jerks are jerks wherever they are and wherever you meet them.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

Traveling while also maintaining a relationship can be a tricky combination. Check out How To Beat the Back-Home Relationship Blahs or Hostel Love: Why Relationships On the Road Never Last.

Photo by garryknight

Travelling without your significant other. Is it totally crazy and just plain wrong?

Not at all.

Everyone has a different approach to travel; for some, being the lone wolf is best.

I’m going to assume that anyone actively seeking out this sort of advice wants to travel alone for wholly innocent reasons — namely, a burning desire to see the world –and nothing nefarious (ahem…Thai school girls, cough…Kuta cowboys).

The fact of the matter is, it’s a tough situation. There’s no easy way to tell your lady or man you want to hit the road solo, so before approaching your better half, ask yourself why you want to travel alone. You need to have a good reason.

Be honest, sensitive, and rational.

If you can’t be honest with yourself about your reasons for wanting to leave, then how do you expect to be honest with your significant other?

There’s a strong likelihood your main squeeze is going to be hurt by your desire to travel alone. Be sensitive to the fact that being in a relationship means wanting to share experiences in your life with another person.

Speak calmly, take it slow, and most importantly, be 100% honest. Lying or telling half-truths is just plain disrespectful and if that’s the route you want to take, you might as well end the relationship.

Also, be sure you have your rationalizations on the matter soundly worked out, because nothing will spell disaster faster than zero justification for travelling alone. Your number one goal here is to put your partner at ease and make him or her understand your reasons.

Avoid saying things like, “If I wanted to cheat on you, why would I travel halfway around the world to do it?” As sincere as you may be with that sentiment, it’s just plain weak. If it were true, pretty much every red light district in the world would cease to exist.

There are a million and one reasons why someone would travel halfway around the world to cheat on their significant other – namely because it’s halfway around the world.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Realize that your desire to travel alone while in a relationship is not exactly a common sentiment. It’s difficult for a lot of people to wrap their heads around.

If it’s a case of your significant other simply not wanting to travel anywhere, ever, then you should use this in your appeal and stress how much seeing the world means to you. After all, your partner not wanting to travel puts you in a somewhat difficult situation.

It isn’t fair that you should have to let go of your ambitions based on his or her indifference toward seeing the world. If you can respect your partner’s disinterest in travelling, your partner should respect your desire to travel. Be very careful, however, not to turn it into a diatribe whereby you vent spleen on never being allowed to do what you want.

You’re asking to do something wholly independent and mature and you should treat the situation as such. Arguments are bad news.

Consider a compromise.

It might also be a good idea to suggest a compromise. Exactly what sort of compromise is up to you and your darling dear, but it could help the situation. Agreement with your travel request shows a deep respect for your personal space and a huge amount of trust in your commitment to the relationship. Therefore, if your partner should ask for something in return, be flexible.

If you feel that your relationship is a particularly strong one, say so. Tell your partner that you wouldn’t be asking this if you didn’t already feel completely confident in the strength and trust between you. It’s arguable that time apart can strengthen a relationship, whether it needs it or not. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Careful with this one though, as you don’t want to insinuate in any way that your fondness is somehow lacking.

Photo by masochismtango

A few years back, I decided that I was going to go to Thailand for a month, get away from my day job, and write.

My girlfriend at the time completely understood and off I went. We kept in constant contact during my time away and when I returned home a month later, our relationship was stronger than it had ever been.

That girlfriend is now my wife.

Relationships are hard work and each one is different. Just because yours doesn’t resemble others doesn’t mean that it’s somehow less serious or committed. However you do end up handling things, give yourself credit for being up front about your desires.

Life’s too short to hold off on doing the things that matter to you.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

For more on the ups and downs of relationships on the road, check out How Being Apart Can Strengthen a Relationship, or How To Travel with your Fiance and Come Back Together.

Feature photo by Face it. Photo above by Franco Folini.

When I told my mom I’d been dumped she laughed at me. I wasn’t surprised by her callousness as I am more often the dumper than the dumpee and it seemed about time that karma bit back.

Friends proved to be more sensitive to my plight. I found that most of them assured me they wouldn’t dump me if I were their girlfriend- the only exception being the dude who actually did dump me when I was his girlfriend.

I was left with the crucial phase of post-break-up recovery: packing up my emotional baggage and getting out of town.

Moving on after a break-up is difficult but necessary. The healing powers of travel often prove to be effective and helpful.

Here are some tried and true combinations I suggest to turn an owner of a broken heart into a roamer with a broken heart, which is much better.

Photo by ChristineRenee.net.

Island+Sister

Whether deserter or desertee, an island is a perfect place to try out a little self-imposed exile and get away in order to pull yourself together with the help of a loving sibling.

Though John Donne assured us that no man is an island, you sure feel like one after being cast away. Why not just embrace your island solitude with one of the people who knows you the best (and is obligated to love you, no matter how much of a bummer you are to be around).

Cabin+BFF

A cabin is a land-locked island perfect for retreating and nursing wounds. The peace and quiet of nature, as well as its vastness, is a perfect environment to reflect and put things into perspective.

Bring the best friend along so she can remind you of all the hard times you’ve been through and survived. This time is no different. Go climb a mountain or something.

After that roast marshmallows or engage in some other campy thing and you’ll be feeling better before you know it.

Photo by cameronparkins.

Amsterdam+ESP Buddy

If you want to forget your troubles, as well as what happened a few minutes ago, get yourself to Amsterdam as soon as possible.

Bring along your “ESP” amie, the one who knows what you’re thinking just by looking at you and laughs at all the same things. You’ll quickly find life is not that bad after all and you might as well enjoy it.

Laughter as therapy usually works wonders, and Amsterdam is the perfect place to rediscover your sense of humour.

Picnic+Posse

Unfortunately, break-ups rarely coincide with a boost in budget. If you’re broke and bummed, you still have options.

Think minimum price for maximum fun and huddle up as many pals as possible- pack some food and adult beverages, and have a picnic. Doesn’t matter if it’s cold outside…be creative.

Getting out of the house and having your friends around you for support is what it’s all about. Plus, picnics make everyone happy.

Photo by -nathan.

Open Road+You

They say misery loves company, but I would argue that misery also loves being alone in their car sobbing the lyrics to Bjork’s Hyperballad as it drives down an open road.

The newly single must embrace their liberty and freedom as well as the occasional loneliness that comes with it. What better way to do that than going on a solo trip to wherever your tires or the train tracks take you?

Make sure to pack plenty of music. I find classic rock songs of heartbreak highly therapeutic, especially when I think of all the people, from the Fleetwood Mac era to modern day, who have nursed themselves back to health by listening to the same ballads.

Although a weekend getaway is unlikely to completely cure your heartbreak, it will distract you from it long enough to see that things will eventually get better.

Travel has now become an integral part of my break-up recovery ritual. This time around I’m thinking of exploring North Africa…

Any trips we missed? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Real communication is difficult / Photo BartPogoda

Travelers to Asia know the feeling.

A hundred pairs of eyes bear down on you, judging you, observing you. As a foreigner, you’re a tourist, a D-level celebrity, a possible criminal and a source of information on foreign affairs. You’re simply different.

There isn’t a native English speaker alive in Thailand who hasn’t been harassed by a Tuk Tuk driver or masseuse at least once. Caucasian males in Japan can attract women by breathing.

I am a native English speaker. I can learn foreign languages, but real communication can be difficult to attain.

This communication gap is especially troubling when it comes to intimate relationships. Something is lacking when neither person in a relationship can understand the other’s full intent.

Even with attempts from both sides of an international relationship to attempt serious commitment and communication, well-meaning couples tend to fall back on interactions that are comfortable, shallow and uncomplicated.

If both parties desire something more than a one night stand or a shallow travel companion, the couple is forced to find creative ways of getting feelings across cultural barriers.

Without a common language, how can you communicate your feelings in an international relationship? How can you find meaning with someone from a different culture?

Some Good Lovin’

OK, most of you probably think I’ve gotten a little ahead of myself at this point. Sex? Isn’t this about making a connection before anything physical? Well yes and no.

It isn’t so much about the act itself, but how you’re treated before, and during. Sex happens a lot, and people who can barely understand five words of shared language often find themselves in unfamiliar bedsheets in a foreign country.

How is it possible that a traveler who can’t even ask directions to the nearest hotel finds himself or herself in the arms of a local that evening?

Assuming you have been with someone you loved before, you know the difference between a tender kiss and a shallow desire to simply feel another’s lips on yours. After all, most communication is nonverbal.

Actions always speak louder than words. Ask yourself: is this person merely feeding me a line, picturing me in bed, being false with me? What does her face say? What do his or her actions tell me?

Show you care, in any way you can.

Getting In Deep Too Fast

Relationships move fast / Photo Extra Medium

One advantage travelers have over those barhopping back home is simply the fact we’re not leading a typical life. We constantly expose ourselves to situations in which profound connections are quickly formed.

As travelers, we tend to be relaxed, more open, and just, well, more fun. Even cubicle monkeys need love, but I bet more people are attracted to the “hottie going mountain climbing” next weekend.

As a result, language plays an even smaller role in travel romances; you know what the other person likes because he or she was there right alongside you, reading your reactions like braille.

During my time in Japan, I heard stories from a Japanese woman who married a Romanian. Neither one of them spoke the other’s native tongue, so they chose to communicate in English. It worked.

I dated a Japanese girl for two years before we both decided it wasn’t going to lead anywhere, with me heading off to lands unknown, and her not looking to follow. We parted ways as amicably as possible.

Can Travel Romances Last?

I read books like Experience Preferred But Not Required and watch guys high-five after recounting tales of using foreign women for sex and apartment cleaning (yeah, that happens).

I wonder if there are any travelers out there undaunted by foreign romances. Is there a happy middle ground, or is one side parasitic and the other marred?

Can travelers find someone in the world from a completely different background, and will it work? How will it work?

Will you try hard to make the relationship last, or just give up and buy a plane ticket home after a year of teaching English?

What’s your experience with relationships abroad, either with a fellow traveler or a local?

Photo by Seeding Chaos

I went to the Football Hall of Fame on a cold Tuesday in early December. As a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan I knew my favorite team would get lots of space in the Canton, Ohio landmark.

There weren’t many other people wandering about, so the security guard let me park it on the very bench Vince Lombardi sat on during the first two Super Bowls.

Sitting on that bench, I met a fellow Packer Backer and we ended up going out for drinks and reminiscences of our teams’ best games.

The love of sport is a great way to meet friendly locals and like-minded travelers. A conversation about the game can lead to more personal revelations and evolve into a mutual friendship.

Here are 6 strategies for using sports to make new friends.

1. Go For Live Action

Whether it’s a sport you’ve followed your whole life or something totally new, like the perplexing world of cricket, go see a live game.

Most towns of any size will have some sort of athletic contest going on. (Hint: Cheer for the home team).

2. Find A Sports Bar

A good second best involves parking yourself in a pub or sports bar. This may be the only option if something on a worldwide scale is going on, like the Rugby or Soccer World Cups.

Sit alone at the bar. Watch with intention. You’ll quickly be adopted by curious fans at the corner table.

3. Dress The Part

Buy a team jersey or t-shirt. Not only will you be recognized as a sincere supporter, you’ll have a cool souvenir to bring back home.

4. Knowledge Is Power

Study the sports pages. Watch the broadcasters on television. If you don’t know the basics of whatever sport you’ve selected, learn them – perhaps with an assist from a friendly local.

Be able to recognize marquee players, win-loss records, and team rivalries. I love learning new things, and I love getting the insider’s perspective.

Once you’ve done your homework, you’ll have multiple topics to banter about with that stranger sitting next to you.

5. Don’t Be Shy

Be subtly voyeuristic. A polite interjection into a sports discussion identifies you as someone who pays attention. Compliments about your grasp of the game and free adult beverages are certain to follow.

6. Don’t Skip The Post-Game

Go to any post-game functions, for either celebration or commiseration. Now is the time to segue into topics and connections of a more personal nature.

Sports With Benefits

The tips I’ve laid out work for meeting locals, but can also be a great way to spark a romantic fling if that’s what you’re looking for.

My natural tomboy affinities have bagged me some great seats and quality dates starting, but not necessarily ending, at a sports venue. If competition leads to chemistry and your new friend is a local, you’ll get the inside skinny on their home town and free accommodation.

If you are both wandering outside your home ranges, who knows, y’all may just end up planning an encore meet-up in South Africa to watch the World Cup in 2010.

What are your tips for meeting locals through sports? Share your advice in the comments!

Photos by MickcPeck and casey yancey

A long time ago I read an article called “5 Guys To Do Before You Say I Do.”

It was sort of like those 1000 Places to See Before You Die books, only instead of “ride a hot air balloon over the Napa Valley” it was “have sex with the bass player from an indie rock band,” and instead of death, you had, well, marriage.

Until I read that article, at the tender age of 14, it had never occurred to me to make a pre-marital bucket list – marriage wasn’t something I thought of as an end point, exactly.

But thankfully Cosmo opened my eyes, and I realized that there were probably lots of crucial life experiences – besides The Younger Man, The Older Man, The Arm Candy, The Artist, and The Bad Boy – to tick off the master list before getting hitched.

Here, without further ado, are 5 trips to do before you say ‘I do’.

The Party Island

Full-moon parties on Thailand’s infamous Ko Pha Ngan. Cocaine and cutting-edge dance music in the clubs of Ibiza. Getting “screeched in” on George Street in St. Johns, Newfoundland.

Whatever your partying preference, somewhere there is an island seemingly custom-made for you to let loose.

Why are all the best parties found on islands? Only the universe knows. The universe also knows that you’ll have more fun on that custom-made party island if you’re single.

The Spring Break

In days of yore, our ancestors designed rites and trials to mark the passage of young men into adulthood. Today, we have our own rite of passage: Spring Break. And in this post-feminist world, girls get to play, too.

So go ahead. Enter that beer-funneling contest. Flag down that Girls Gone Wild cameraman. Show the staff at Senor Frog’s just exactly what you’re made of.

When you look back in your old age, won’t you regret not drinking that last daiquiri?

The Backpacker Bus

It’s like Spring Break, but on a bus. Do you really want to be that guy who brought his wife Contiki-ing? ‘Nuff said.

The Girlfriend Getaway / Man-cation

We all know that once you put that ball and chain around your finger, longstanding friendships go out the window. It’s the way of the world, right?

Be sure you make time for one last single-sex travel bash before resigning yourself to a lifetime of hotel check-ins as “Mr” and “Mrs”.

There’s a whole industry designed for the ladies, here – spa packages, shopping getaways, and the like – but the demand for mancations is growing fast, too. Go ice-fishing for a weekend, or find some strippers in Vegas. Revel in gender stereotypes while you still can.

(Note: It’s bad form to roll the final friends fling in with the bachelor/bachelorette party. Don’t try to kill two birds with one stone.)

The Solo Quest

The solo quest is the most important trip of all. After all, you can’t find your other half until you’ve found yourself.

A spiritual element is key here, as is setting a specific goal. Seek out a monastery and apprentice yourself to one of the enlightened souls within, preferably somewhere in Asia.

Walk a famous pilgrimage route – bonus points if you shuffle the whole way on your knees.

Plan a long-distance overland trek taking in many physical and political obstacles – Cairo to Cape Town is a good one, if you have the means. Use an odd form of transport: a kayak, or a unicycle.

Pour your heart and soul into the trip, and keep detailed notes. Even if you don’t find yourself – or your mate – en route, you’re likely to find yourself a book deal.

What are your ideas for trips before typing the knot? Share you thoughts in the comments!

Don’t let your relationship fall into a post-travel rut.

After weeks or months of all day face-time in exotic destinations-along with the intimacy (good and bad) that it creates-going back to the drudgery of cubicle life can put a serious damper on even the strongest relationships.

But just because you spend most nights zoned out in front of the TV instead of gazing into each other’s eyes doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship has puckered out.

Relationships evolve just like people; there are highs and lows, times when you look at your partner and see your soul mate and times when you see an annoying person who won’t leave you alone.

Wondering how to keep the highs around more often? Here are six tips for keeping the (wander)lust alive in the face of post-travel blues.

1. Relax. You’re still together.

Instead of losing sleep over whether you’ve lost that special spark, look at the first few months back home as a transition period. Existential crises during this sensitive time-particularly regarding relationships-are not productive.

Think of it this way: the two of you survived bumpy buses, bedbugs, diarrhea and travel fatigue; are you really worried that a little case of the nine-to-fives is going to do you in?

Relax and remember that you’ve made it this far. If your relationship is doomed, you’ll figure it out-but don’t make major decisions during the flux and flow of the first weeks back home.

2. Do not fear the funk.

After the initial excitement of seeing friends and family wears off, a little post-adventure depression is only natural.

Don’t be surprised if your partner seems a little mopey, or if you get grouchy and irritable over petty matters.

The post-travel funk can be something you bond over instead of something that builds walls between you.

The best way to defeat the funk is to stay busy with social activities and find stuff to look forward to, like a weekend trip to see out-of-town friends or a cool art opening.

Nothing is going to change the fact that you’re at home instead of on the road, but plenty of couples find happiness without ever leaving the city; you can be one of them (for a little while, anyway).

3. Sprinkle reminders of your travels everywhere you look.

You don’t have to redecorate your entire apartment in the style of African-savannah-chic, but stashing a few keepsakes from your travels on the bookshelves or coffee table will help provide a constant reminder of the wonderful journey you experienced together.

Photo by HilaryAQ

Practical items-such as salad tongs (a set of handcarved wooden ones, for example), embroidered napkins (because you were planning to go paper-less anyway), candle holders, bookends, ceramic bowls, and handcrafted baskets-are both useful and nostalgic.

And don’t let those digital pics languish on your hard drive-print ‘em, frame ‘em and hang ‘em up.

The most beautiful or professional shots aren’t necessarily the best ones to display; instead, choose the ones that remind you of a funny story or a romantic moment.

Now you’ll never forget the time your partner lost his flipflop under the train in India and had to go barefoot in Calcutta, or that one unbelievable sunset at the Pyramids.

4. Stage a reenactment.

I know: you can never truly recreate that grilled fish at the tiny beach shack in Belize or the Panang curry on Koh Tao.

But with a little imagination it’s not hard to manage an approximation closer to home. You can find hundreds of thousands of recipes online, and most big cities now stock ingredients for Indian and Asian cooking.

Add a little Belizean rum or some Thai pop songs to the mix, and you’ve got yourself a nice little scene-minus the mosquitoes and mangy street dogs.

Your friends will be impressed with your newfound culinary skills, and nothing says “I still love you” like homemade samosas with coconut chutney. Mmmm.

5. Take short trips closer to home.

Too tied down to travel far? Take a weekend road trip, spend a few days camping in a nearby park, or be a traveler in your own town.

Leases and jobs don’t have to prevent you from making the most of your free time. By getting back into “travel mode” every now and then, you can rekindle the special relationship sparks that fire up when you’re on the move.

Short trips help inject a bit of travel lust back into the everyday grind, making the work week that much easier to get through.

Which brings us to our final tip:

6. Start planning for the next Big One.

It’s never too soon to squirrel away savings and get on your boss’ good side (so she doesn’t fire your butt on the spot when you ask for two months off next year).

Don’t fret about plane tickets or itineraries just yet-don’t even worry about where you’ll go. Save that stress for later. In the meantime, just knowing that there will be a next trip, and fantasizing about it with your partner, is enough to keep the happy-juice flowing.

Nothing beats the back-home relationship blahs like sharing the excitement of your future travels together. Keep the globe spinning and your minds a-whirl, and you and your partner will beat the blahs together.

Photo by Tom Purves

Destination weddings have become increasingly popular in recent years, and a growing number of couples say they’d like to celebrate their special day in an exotic location.

Planning a destination wedding, however, can seem overwhelming, especially when so many details are being coordinated from afar.

This guide-from someone who planned her own destination wedding-can help simplify planning so that you can have an extraordinary day that’s as memorable for your guests as it is for you and your partner.

10. Consider Your Destination

This sounds obvious enough, but choosing the best destination ultimately depends upon a variety of factors: Where do you and your partner want to get married?

Who among your friends and family do you want to attend? How long of a trip can your guests take-both in terms of distance and duration?

What kinds of accommodations (in terms of transportation, lodging, and accessibility) will be necessary in order for your guests to come, and what accommodations are available in the places you’re considering?

When my husband and I planned our wedding on the island of Vieques, Puerto Rico, we knew we wanted to get married in a place that was meaningful to us, but which was also not so far-flung that guests would feel the journey was cost-prohibitive.

Also, we had a number of older guests who we wanted to share in the experience, and some had physical conditions that needed to be taken into consideration.

Puerto Rico was the perfect location-and the bonus was that since it’s a commonwealth of the United States, no one needed to get a passport!

9. Put your dream, and a budget, on paper.

Weddings, regardless of whether they’re in your home town or far away, can become very expensive very fast. For destination weddings, costs you don’t expect can crop up without warning if you don’t perform due diligence during the planning phase.

What are the non-negotiables of your dream wedding and what extras are you willing to sacrifice?

Once you have those down on paper, start developing a budget, and be sure to factor in easy-to-overlook items such as local taxes in the place you’ve selected for your wedding.

If you’re planning, as my husband and I did, to get married on a beach, you’ll need to check with local officials to determine if there’s a permit required for public land use, and if so, how much it costs and how far in advance you must request it.

8. How local can you go?

My husband and I had our rings made by a local, independent jeweler who specialized in handmade jewelry. Lou etched lines from our favorite poem on the outside of our wedding bands.

We were-and still are-thrilled with our unique, and she was thrilled to have the business.

We didn’t want a cake, but our guests did, and they found a local baker who made a simple, one-tier homemade cake, which she decorated with native flowers.

Rings, reverends, and revelry makers-the more local you go, the more fun you’ll have and the more positive an impact you can make on the community.

7. Guide your guests.

Photo by The Lawleyes

The more exotic your destination, the more your guests are likely to be excited- and anxious, especially if they’re not as seasoned in travel as you.

Help build the thrill and contain the worries by providing your guests with guides every step of the way.

For our own wedding, my husband and I didn’t send out traditional invitations, but we started an e-mail list, and sent regular updates about wedding plans.

Other couples choose to build simple websites or blogs that guests can check frequently for new photos and information.

We also sent out packages with maps, biographies of our guests (so they’d know a bit about each other before the wedding), a short history of Vieques, and a card with all of our contact information, as well as information about the airport, weather, and suggested items to pack.

If you’re traveling to a place where your guests won’t know the language, you may want to include a small phrase book.

Finally, let guests know what’s expected of them. We told our guests that they could wear whatever made them comfortable to the wedding, and we were thrilled that some showed up in tank tops and shorts, while others wore dresses or shirts and ties.

Your guests will really appreciate your planning and thoughtfulness, and your preparation will make the on-the-ground experience of the wedding much smoother.

6. Make the wedding a vacation.

My husband and I invited friends and family to join us five days before the big day for fun and relaxation on the island. We rented three simple houses on the beach and let our guests know they’d be welcome to stay as little or as long as they could prior to the wedding day.

We stocked up on food, cigars, and beer, and planned at least one activity a day (besides the big evening family-style meal). Most of our guests did join us before the wedding, and some even decided to stay after the wedding for several more days.

5. Gift your guests.

What activity is the must-see/must-do experience in the locale you’ve chosen for your wedding?

For our guests, we made it clear that we didn’t want gifts, but that we wanted to give them a gift in gratitude for their friendship and their presence.

Vieques is famous for its bio-luminescent bay, so we hired an eco-tourism guide to take everyone on a night-time kayaking tour of the bay. Two years later, our friends and family still talk about this amazing experience.

4. Learn local laws.

One of the most complicated aspects of planning a destination wedding is learning what local laws govern your marriage and your ceremony. Check these out well in advance, as this may alter your destination of choice.

Puerto Rico has very stringent laws about pre-wedding details such as blood tests and certificates of matrimony, so we decided to do our formal paperwork in New York.

3. Plan transportation.

Help your guests get to and from the airport, lodging, and activities. This was the most complex detail of our own wedding, as Vieques is off the mainland of Puerto Rico and is accessible only by ferry or small plane, both of which operate on fixed schedules.

Once on the island, there are limited cars for rental, so this detail needed to be planned far in advance as well.

2. Minimize stress.

If you’ve dreamed of a flawless fairy-tale wedding, then a destination wedding probably isn’t for you. With even the best planning, there are likely to be variables you didn’t anticipate and that are beyond your control.

Realize that no destination wedding goes off exactly as planned. Keep your expectations realistic and go with the flow.

1. Create and share memories.

For many of your guests, your destination wedding will be the memory of a lifetime. Keep that good energy going after the wedding by sharing mementos of your time together.

Create a DVD of the experience and send it to your guests after the wedding. Share photos and written memories about good times you had together.

Our wedding was so memorable that people who didn’t know each other beforehand are still in touch with one another, and guests have requested that we plan annual wedding reunions!

BONUS TIP: Don’t forget your honeymoon! While many couples who have a destination wedding may choose not to take another trip after the wedding, the stress of planning a wedding–even a fun destination wedding–may leave you feeling like you need a honeymoon. If you’d rather have your guests help fund a honeymoon rather than give traditional wedding gifts, check out the Honeymoon Registry, which allows your guests to contribute to a fund for your honeymoon.

Community Connection!

There are several newly-weds in the Matador Travel community, including editor David Miller and BNT editor Ian MacKenzie.

Then there’s contributor Theodore Scott, who recently quit his job to travel around South America with his fiancee and tried, unsuccessfully, to marry her in every country they visited.

What are you tips and experiences with destination weddings? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Photo by Rileyroxx

When returning home from long trips abroad, I’m always surprised by how much has changed. Somehow, I seem to have a subconscious expectation that life was on pause – just waiting for me to come back and pick up where I left off.

Of course, that isn’t how it works.

I come back to find out that my circle of friends isn’t quite the same. Some people aren’t talking to each other anymore. Old couples have broken up, and new ones have formed. Old roommates have finished school and moved away.

Dealing with all this social upheaval can be confusing and emotionally draining. This is especially true when you are also readjusting in other ways, like relearning how to drive on the right side of the road.

Here are 6 ways to rekindle those friendships:

1. Work on your significant other first

If you went on your trip and left someone really important behind, you need to spend some quality time with him or her. Hopefully, you will both be overjoyed to see each other. But absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.

If, for example, you’ve been studying abroad for the past year, things may seem awkward and distant until you get to know each other again.

Often, there can be a bit of resentment, buried and unspoken. You left! For a year!

Your friend or sweetheart won’t say it, but they might be wondering why you were the one traipsing around Europe while they kept to the routine back home. Even if you both agreed to the trip before you left, there were probably some times when they regretted letting you go.

Counteract any friction by planning small getaway trips for the two of you. A couple of weekend hiking trips can work wonders.

Check out a cultural exhibit at the museum. You can even rediscover your home town by researching it as if you were new to the area. Your friend will feel better about your travels after you include them in some smaller adventures.

2. Stay in touch with your new friends.

Make sure you get the e-mail addresses of friends who you met on the road. These are the people who will understand your reasons for traveling. Many of them have also made the choice to upset their lives and spend some time out in the world.

Send these travel buddies a message now and then. Share pictures from the trip. Find out where they are going next. Invite them to come visit you. Plan to visit them.

Even if you lost track of a few people back home while traveling, you will be busy enough keeping in touch with your new friends.

3. Don’t brag too much.

After returning from a year in Wales, I found it difficult to talk about anything other than my trip. Every conversation was an excuse to bring up another crazy story about my favorite Welsh pub.

Later, I realized that these stories didn’t matter much to my friends back home. They weren’t there. I learned to limit myself to mentioning my trip only when answering a direct question.

Unless they are travelers themselves, family and friends may not understand what your trip was all about. Some won’t want to hear about it. Some want only the one minute summary.

Some friends and family may be jealous, and others may think your journey was frivolous. Don’t worry about this too much, and don’t try to convince them to become enthusiastic about something in which they aren’t interested. Save the stories for those who really want to hear them.

4. Throw a party.

A great way to reconnect with friends back home is to invite everyone over to your place at once. This may seem like a splash of cold water, but a big party has several benefits.

A party gets you back in touch with many of your friends. This allows you to answer all
the inevitable questions at the same time instead of spread out over months. (Where is Wales anyway? Why don’t you have a British accent now?)

Plus, since the fiesta is explicitly a coming home party, you will be expected to talk about the trip and pass around photos.

This is your chance to share your enthusiasm. Get it all out of your system so that you don’t corner someone every week with an unwanted slideshow.

5. Don’t force it.

You don’t have to stay friends with everyone with whom you used to hang out. If you sense that someone isn’t very interested in spending time with you anymore, ask yourself how
much effort you honestly want to put forth.

Don’t feel bad if a few people have moved on without you. It happens. Most of us don’t socialize with all of the friends we once knew. (Think about all the high school friends who you don’t see anymore.)

Say “Hi” when you see old friends on the street, and don’t worry about growing apart. You are a different person now, and so are they.

Community Connection!

Have you just returned from a long trip? Are you dealing with reverse culture shock? You’re not the only one.

Get in touch with these travelers or join the discussion “Reverse Culture Shock Is A Bitch” in the Matador forums.

Happy Homecomings!

Photo by Andy Schell

I met Mia in New Zealand, while on a bus that was taking us sky diving. I was only along to take photos for my friends, for I had gone skydiving twice before and wanted to save some money.

The initial spark between us was ignited before we arrived at our destination.

The situation could have proceeded like this: guy meets a girl en route to go skydiving and they hit it off. Afterwards, they join each other for a drink at the pub, maybe stay out late, overindulge, and ‘accidentally’ end up in one or the other’s tiny hostel bed.

But I’d fallen down that path before. And now, I didn’t want to repeat another ‘nice to meet you, have a nice life’ scenario. I didn’t ask Mia to the bar that night.

Serendipitously, we ran into each other at the grocery store, and instead I invited her and her friend to come wine tasting with my English mates and me.

Now I am no connoisseur, but after hearing so much about New Zealand’s reputation for producing wine, I gathered this might be a fun, and quite different activity, for the backpacker at least.

Turns out, we hit it off spending the afternoon together with our friends in a decidedly anti-backpacker atmosphere. I realized these are the types of off-the-radar activities that attract the attention of fellow romantic travelers.

Doing the same-old same-old is going to land you the same-old short-term relationships, the awkward goodbyes coupled with the nasty hangovers. A better idea is to find something out of the ordinary, and simply try to have fun.

Here are some more tips for finding real romance on the road:

Forget The One Night Stands

To say it’s fairly easy to ‘hook up’ with someone following the traditional trail in many of the most popular backpacker destinations might be an understatement.

These party places produce an atmosphere where the beer flows easy and everyone is looking for a party. Adventure sports like skydiving, river rafting and bungee jumping only enhance this party atmosphere, charging it with adrenaline and hormones.

That’s not to say that this is a bad thing: many of my first trips abroad included several jaunts into a post-adventure bar scene, and good times were had by all.

I met some interesting people and had a lot of fun. But if you’re after a true romance, and not your average one-night stand, you need to look elsewhere, broaden your horizons, and distance yourself from the masses.

Because if you’re just like everyone else, you won’t stand out in the crowd, and your ideal companion might pass you by.

Find Your Niche

Photo by Andy Schell

I grew up sailing on the Chesapeake Bay, spending a large portion of my childhood summers on my dad’s boats. I knew I would somehow get on a sailboat in New Zealand; after all, Auckland isn’t called the City of Sails for nothing.

My English mates had never experienced the magic of the wind and the water, and I wanted to show them. Conveniently, the girls had tagged along with us after New Year’s, and we invited them to join us.

Mia and I continued right where we left off after the wine tasting, and I taught her everything I knew about sailing. We spent five days in close-quarters with only each other’s company, the endless blue water and a sky full of stars.

The experience cemented our relationship and is the reason we are still a couple today. The bottom line: find your niche.

In short, just do the things you love. I was at my best when I was at the helm of that little boat. When you’re in your element, your true personality shines through. This is the only real way to get to know somebody.

Share Your Culture

I’m an American. The guys I was traveling with when I met Mia are English, and she is Swedish. Her friend Johanna is Finnish.

Between the five of us, we represented four different nationalities, and this made for endless conversation about our cultural similarities and differences.

Remain optimistic when you meet people, and always assume the best from them. You might have the occasional disappointment, but overall the interesting people you’ll meet and the exciting (and sometimes confusing) conversations you’ll have will far outweigh your defeats.

Enjoy hearing stories from other perspectives. This advice can also apply romantically.

There is nothing more exotic than relaxing under the stars while you stumble over the words of a new language, or share stories from opposite side of the planet.

The things we have in common with the rest of the world make travel comforting. But the things that are different create the romance.

Let Go

As with anything, finding romance abroad depends on your attitude.

Often the greatest experiences and the most interesting people emerge from the least likely of scenarios. But this can only happen if you abandon your expectations.

Let yourself go and enjoy the moment. But keep your eyes open – because you never know who might be waiting around the next corner.

What are your tips for finding real romance on the road? Share in the comments!

Photo by Konstantin Sutyagin

For single travelers, there is always an anticipation of meeting someone on the road. You wonder: maybe this special someone will be the love of your life?

My travel experiences have always been one big disaster in the love area. Some say planes are a good place to meet handsome men, but I either end up on a seat all alone, or next to a family packed with children.

On a few occasions I felt like asking the ticket agent, “Please, put me next to a handsome single guy.”

With trains, it’s the same story. Just the other day I was taking a train from London to Brussels and hoping to end up next to the most eligible bachelor on Europe. Instead I found myself next to a woman… with two kids sharing one seat…next to mine.

At the end the mother and I had to share the kids.

Love And The Law Of Attraction

When it comes to love, the law of attraction seems to promote that you get what you expect. Or to put it differently, your thoughts attract the outcome.

Well, I tend to disagree. My own experience shows that the law of attraction works differently where love on the road is concerned.

The two times I actually met someone with love potential while traveling, it came without a warning. It also came when I had a clear warning look on my face: not available.

The Man On The Train

On this day I was a student traveling in the train from Amsterdam to Brussels to study languages and recycle myself from a typical Russian into an advanced European.

Meeting a man was really unexpected, because I was not what I call ‘wearing the most presentable appearance.’

I was sitting alone in a train compartment, wearing glasses (but no make-up) and feeling totally stressed out. I was trying to translate one political article from French into Russian.

The article was anti-Russian (in the field of politics) and so I was also feeling angry.

This combination of disheveled anger seemed to attract one particular guy. He simply opened the door, installed himself on the opposite bench and said: “I want to know you. I want to know all about you.”

The guy wasn’t a stalker. He was handsome, well-educated, totally cute, and studied medicine, also in Belgium. We talked for the whole two hours, until his station in Antwerp.

He asked for my phone number. He wanted to meet me again.

But here is where the law of attraction worked as expected – my thoughts attracted the outcome. At the time I wasn’t feeling ready. I was actually feeling awful without my make-up, and I didn’t believe that a guy like him would want to meet me again.

The story never continued.

From Russia With Love

Here’s the story of the other train meeting, when I stumbled upon the most handsome guy. At that time I was still at school in Russia, and was traveling in the Moscow metro.

I was young, blessed with pimples, in love with George Michael and totally sure that I wasn’t even pretty in the slightest.

This was probably the reason that I behaved like an idiot when the guy started to talk to me. He was older, a student, and spoke French – the language I was studying in school.

But his flirt came so unexpectedly that not only did I not understand a single word of what he said in French (he invited me for a dinner, as I understood later), I also didn’t give him any chance to translate.

I was so nervous, I simply jumped from the train on the next station.

Right Place, Right Time

These experiences have left me with a thought: maybe we meet someone on the road only when we are ready, sure of ourselves and believing that might actually happen?

I won’t give up on this hope.

Next time I’m taking a plane, I will simply ask the ticket agent to put me next to the most handsome guy.

What have you found about love laws on the road? Share in the comments!

I’ve been married now for almost one year.

That’s almost 12 months since donning a tux, standing in front of my family (and hers), and slipping a ring over her finger, declaring that this woman, this person, this wonderful sliver of soul, shall be my wife.

My how the time flies.

Since that moment I’ve often pondered what’s changed in our relationship. After all, my wife and I had lived together for almost 3 years before I proposed. We’ve eaten together, sparred together (literally, in martial arts she broke her toe on my forearm) and even traveled together.

Rest assured, spending 2 months with anyone on the road will reveal very quickly whether or not you’re compatible.

My best friend has had a different situation with his significant other. We’ve both spent much of the past year on the road, which has occasionally put a strain on my marriage, and certainly prolonged the “courtship” phase of his relationship.

In those many nights in transition, on the bus or in another foreign home, my friend and I have discussed the differences between having a girlfriend and being married. Who should be missed more? What type of relationship demands your presence, and defines how you exist together when in the same space?

The Difference Between

It could have been accumulated wisdom from my year of marriage (or maybe just the beers), but an epiphany came to me recently that I wanted to share:

Girlfriends are like cheesecake. Wives are like oxygen.

Allow me to explain.

When you haven’t had cheesecake in a while, and someone puts a rich slice in front of you, glinting fork on the edge of the plate, chances are, you’re going to enjoy it. It’s creamy, cheesy, and all around delicious. That is…until you have one bite too much.

That’s the thing about cheesecake. It’s amazing until you go overboard.

Girlfriends tend to be the same – it’s been my experience that couples in healthy early relationships limit their exposure of each other to infrequent doses. This way, when you’re together you have plenty to talk about, discover, and experience, until it’s time to part ways and plan the next encounter.

Couples that spend too much time together at this early stage tend to burn each other out.

A Deep Breath

Wives, on other hand, are much different. Married couples tend to spend a lot of time together. Some even appear joined at the hip. Often they become like a single entity, sharing decisions, thoughts, and opinions.

But in the best marriages, being together is not something conscious. You don’t “decide” to be together day to day, you just are.

Which is exactly like oxygen. You don’t consciously decide to breathe moment to moment. You are not worried if oxygen will be there or not, whether they’re still committed to you, or whether they’re suitably entertained or not.

You just exist…together.

Comfortable. Natural. Like breathing.

Of course, not all girlfriends are like cheesecake. And not all wives are like oxygen. But I find the best and most complimentary relationships follow this theme.

I could go on…but all this talk has made me hungry for cheesecake. (The real thing…don’t worry, honey).

What are your thoughts on my extended similes? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Ian MacKenzie is editor of Brave New Traveler. Aside from writing, he spends his time exploring the fundamental nature of existence and wishing he did more backpacking.

Each of us has a different experience related to both love and passion. If we look carefully at what is happening in the world around us at this moment, and especially in the Western hemisphere, one can conclude that the concept of love is undergoing serious changes.

Relationships are quite often based on material aspects and expectations. We expect the other person to change according to our own perceptions of what an ideal mate should be.

And passions? Passions are undergoing what I call ‘commercialization’. Being familiar with tantra and tantric massage, I find it sad that very often an offer of ‘tantric massage’ involves something which has nothing to do with tantra.

To Love And To Cherish

While living in Russia I had an ideal example of a perfect relationship from my grandparents. And this came from both my maternal and paternal sides.

The mother of my mom met the love of her life when she was only eighteen. (Quite young, don’t you agree?)

She was very beautiful, very popular with boys and quite selective as to dating. But one day when she was sitting on a bench in a park surrounded by her suitors, a friend of hers joined them with a man she had never seen before. As my grandmother used to tell me:

“We just looked at each other…he took my hand and we left the group of my friends. We didn’t even talk at first. And a month later we were married.”

It isn’t surprising that they named their daughter with a beautiful name: ‘Love.’

I am still wondering what kept this relationship until death. Both survived the war, the waiting, the starvation, the rebuilding of life after the war, and their love never lost its magical touch.

My grandmom’s life actually ended when my granddad died from a heart attack. Since then she lived by his memories. It was very sad to see, but at the same time inspiring, because I wanted the same in my life.

To Have And To Hold

My other grandparents had a similar story, but with a different start.

My paternal grandfather, a proud and a stubborn Cossack (as long as I knew him his life was about Integrity), had to beg my grandmom for more than a year to marry him. He just knew when he met her: this is the woman of my life.

It took him quite a while to convince my grandmother. But since the day they finally married it was the ‘fusion’ of two hearts.

At some point my granddad was sent to serve a political sentence in Siberia, and no one had any idea when he would return. My grandmother, with two sons at that time, was patiently waiting. They were starving, they were unsure of anything in their lives and they were packed into a tiny room with almost no facilities for more than three years.

It was faith and belief in the light of life, which kept my grand mom sane.

One day at the door of their tiny room she saw a man who resembled a skeleton. This was my grandfather, back from Siberia, having marched for a month back to his village. Was the secret of their relationship the fact that the name of my grandmom is Faith?

God only knows.

Love In Modern Times?

Very often I ask myself a question: how come at the age of thirty-one I am still single? Despite the fact that I have such beautiful examples of what real love can be?

I think I know the answer. I look for the same magic which kept my grandparents so deeply in love. But this magic is almost non-existent nowadays.

We seem more interested in changing the other, in accumulating material things for quick satisfaction, instead of a fusion of two hearts and two bodies – this is what makes the real tantra.

How one can find a real love this day, when everything, including love, is commercialized?

Human beings can only survive when they feel loved. And despite the difficulties we encounter in meeting a right person in our contemporary world, the natural process through which human beings gravitate to one another will survive.

Love and only love can save the day.

Where does true love exist in the modern world? Share your thoughts below!

Ekaterina Petrovna’s current goal in life is to become a Porcupine. In the animal spirit world this animal represents rediscovery of wonder and trust in the Great spirit. She has a degree in interpreting and speaks 4 languages. In her spare time Ekaterina writes, reads Tarot cards, dances like crazy, laughs, and tries to make this world a better place to live.

You’ve just popped The Question. You’ve just answered the Question. The answer was “Yes!”

The next logical step in any relationship isn’t to start planning a wedding. This is a common mistake. The next step is to take a trip together.

If you’ve already traveled together you’re ahead of the game, but getting engaged changes things.

It forces you to examine all the details of a relationship. You may panic when you realize there is a world of information you don’t know about the person you’ve just verbally committed to for the rest of your life.

Traveling together will present you both with a multitude of challenges all in one short burst – if you’re truly committed you’ll survive all these tests of faith. Here are some tips to get to the end of the trip still want to get married afterwards.

We’re Talking Real Travel

First things first, this article doesn’t apply to couples who are traveling to an all-inclusive resort where you sit on the beach, swipe your room key and pina coladas or chocolate covered strawberries magically appear.

All you learn at the end of that sort of trip is that it sucks to have to go back to your normal life.

While I concede that it can be frustrating when your fiancé refuses to mix your drinks and serve them to you on a silver platter while you recline in front of the most recent episode of “Deal or No Deal” you didn’t really expect that would happen anyway.

This article applies to people who are traveling to a new city or country, meeting new people, trying out a new language and carrying their own money. This article is for people who want to see how life flows in another part of the world.

Who Is The Boss?

Once you decide to take the trip you are immediately presented with new challenges: packing, airports, who handles the money, who controls the iPod, who leads and who follows. It is important to talk beforehand about important issues:

What is our budget on this trip? Who will hold the money/passports/important documents? What will we do if we get separated?

Determining these things beforehand will prevent you from getting into arguments in the heat of the moment. Avoiding the need to place blame later will help you stay more relaxed together while traveling.

It will also make it easier to adjust to new situations as they arise because you won’t be pondering other basics in the back of your mind. Things like packing or programming the iPod or deciding who gets to sit in the aisle seat on the plane don’t matter enough to change the tone of your trip.

If you’re a neat packer with clothes folded properly, while you’re partner enjoys throwing clothes from the dryer into a duffel bag this might be a good time to discuss how that difference may affect you both in the future.

Being engaged you might analyze how little things reflect on your partner’s personality. “I can’t marry a messy packer!” you might think. Step back, and decide if this is really something that changes the way you love your partner.

How Can We Work Together As A Team?

Taking turns deciding what to do while traveling allows you to work together to make your trip great, and also forces you to do things you might not have chosen for yourself.

If you want to go to the top of the Empire State building and your fiance wants to take a boat trip around Manhattan, either compromise or figure out a way you can both do what you want. Sometimes giving up autonomous control of decision making is the hardest part of getting married.

Learning to make decisions together on what to do and where to eat can help you make a big adjustment outside the comfortable surroundings of home. Then, when you get home, it is easier to give up a night at the bar to watch Sex and the City or vice versa.

Insert Foot In Mouth

One of the biggest lessons you can learn while traveling together is to take a breath before saying something you know will be the beginning of an argument. If you foresee yourself regretting your next words, then don’t say them.

Instead communicate what is frustrating you and see if you can work together to figure it out. Whether on a bus, train, plane or in a hotel room – any heated exchange or unkind word will hang in the air until you resolve it.

At home you can take off, visit friends, stay at your own place, or occupy yourself with any number of other distractions to avoid dealing with the root of an argument. On the road it’s just the two of you surviving together.

When arguments happen don’t ignore the tension. This an opportunity to figure out how you’ll react together when you are married and life starts coming at you quickly.

Confront the situation. Ask your partner why they are upset or ask them to explain to you what caused them to feel a certain way. You need to understand that no matter how mad you get, the sooner you let it out in the open the sooner you can get back to ballooning over Mayan Ruins or hiking the Grand Canyon.

It’s also important to realize that sometimes people just need to be mad for a while. Remember to follow these steps before getting into an argument:

1. Take a breath.
2. Don’t say it if it isn’t constructive.
3. Confront the situation by asking what the problem is and listening to the answer.
4. Resolve the situation.
5. Start having fun again.

When Is It OK To Splurge?

No matter how bare-bones your budget, try to splurge a little on something fun once in a while. A fancy dinner, an extra bottle of wine or that souvenir that would look great on a shelf back home will go a long way towards bonding the two of you together.

When you look back you probably won’t remember the exhausting two hour cab ride to the airport or the security check that made you late for a flight, but you will remember eating Thai food by candlelight in that fancy beach front restaurant.

Here are two suggestions regarding splurging:

1. If you can’t do it at home then go for it. Don’t regret not doing it later. You won’t be able to take a bicycle ride on the Great Wall of China at home in Ohio.
2. If you can do it at home than talk it out and see if it is really important. Just because it is next to the Washington Monument doesn’t mean that it is absolutely imperative to get Starbucks.

The Adventure Of A Lifetime

Traveling together is an adventure. It is an opportunity to learn a lot about each other in a short period of time. More importantly, it is one more way to connect with the person you love and plan to marry.

While a trip doesn’t really determine if the two of you are meant for each other, it can help you realize what things you do well together and what things you’ll need to work on to create a successful and happy relationship.

What are you tips for traveling with a fiance? Share in the comments!

Ryan Woldt is a Photographer, Commercial Real Estate Broker and Writer living in central Wisconsin. He is always searching for that next great trip. He owes his desire to travel to his wife who has shown him an entire world outside his own.

What do you get when you drop a few dozen backpackers into a hostel, soak with beer and mix in a healthy dose of liberation from social norms?

A tidal wave of hormones…and one major problem: where to go to get it on?

Unless you’re a flamboyant exhibitionist, nothing puts a damper on romantic relations like company. Dorms are almost never empty, and even when they are, the likelihood of someone barging in makes anything more than surreptitious groping an impossibility.

If you’re hankering to slide the key into the ignition and get your motor firing on all cylinders, you need to get creative, and get out of the dorms.

First of all, let’s consider the options in and around the hostel.

Every hostel has hidden nooks and crannies that offer enough space and privacy for at least a hasty knee-trembler. You can be sure the hostel staff know about these spots, but unless you’re hooking up with one of them, asking for directions is bad form.

The trick is to know where to look, and to scout locations in advance if you’re feeling lucky. Here are some possibilities:

The Laundry Room

Most hostels have a laundry room that is abandoned at night. If you’re feeling naughty, the stacks of fresh-smelling sheets and towels make an ideal love-nest.

The more considerate and hygienic option is to make use of the sturdy appliances, with the woman sitting on top of the washer / dryer. (Extra points for spin cycle).

The Roof

When checking into your next hostel, take a look around and see if there’s any way to access the roof. Overhanging trees are one possibility, as are upstairs windows with broad sills from which you can pull yourself up to the rooftop.

Of course safety is important, and you shouldn’t take unnecessary risks, but you’d be surprised at how many hostel roofs are accessible with a little ingenuity.

And once you’re up there – well, the sky is the limit.

The Bathroom

OK, maybe it’s not the most romantic location, but most hostels have bathrooms that lock. As long as the floor and toilet are reasonably clean, you can shut yourselves inside and bump uglies to your heart’s content.

Even open bathrooms with several stalls offer the possibility of a quickie – just ask Senator Larry Craig.

The best position is for the guy to sit on the toilet while the girl sits in his lap – this way she can lift her legs off the floor if someone comes in, so that from the outside it looks like just one person is in the stall.

The Broom Closet

If the laundry room is locked, the roof is inaccessible and the thought of sex in a bathroom stall makes you queasy, the hostel broom closet is a classic option.

The main problems with the broom closet are that nothing more than a standing position is possible, mop handles have a way of whacking you in the head at inopportune moments and the smell of high-test floor cleaner can make you pass out.

The key is to be quick (if you’re screwing in a broom closet I doubt this will be a problem).

The Kitchen

Don’t have sex in the hostel kitchen. Just don’t. People cook food in the kitchen. No one wants traces of mystery juice in their stir-fry.

Plus, hostel kitchens aren’t as private as you might think. Even at 4 am you can bet that someone will be looking for a midnight snack, and nothing ruins an appetite like the sight of bare asses bouncing on the counter.

Seriously, don’t have sex in the kitchen.

The Great Outdoors

If your hostel has a backyard, look for a shadowy spot behind a tree.

Better yet, if you’re in a semi-rural area, get out of the hostel grounds entirely. A copse of trees can provide all the privacy you need, and a lonesome beach is even more enticing.

Just remember to snag a towel or a bed-sheet from the hostel before running naked down the sand.

Get A Room Already!

Look, I know you’re on a tight budget. But I guarantee that a few years down the road, when you’re married and have a mortgage, you won’t regret having dropped a couple extra bills for a night of passion.

In many countries, like Japan and Taiwan, there is the ‘love-hotel’ option, where you can rent a fantasy-themed room by the hour. Otherwise, just jump in a cab and ask the driver to take you to a guesthouse or motel.

As usual, Mark Twain sums it up best, “10 years from now you will be more disappointed by the people you haven’t done than by the ones you have, so cast off the panties, sail away from the hostel dorm – explore, dream, get laid!”

Where’s the most creative place your “friend” has ever had sex? Shock and titillate us by leaving a comment below!

BNT contributing editor Tim Patterson travels with a sleeping bag and pup tent strapped to the back of his folding bicycle. His articles and travel guides have appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle, Get Lost Magazine, Tales Of Asia and Traverse Magazine. Check out his Matador profile.

Every day, thousands of engaged couples and newlyweds find themselves in a predicament: They have all the cutlery, bath towels, photo frames, and kitchen gadgets they need.

Wedding guests, however, are stubbornly addicted to gift registries. They love the safety of registries, knowing that they’re giving the happy couple something that suits their tastes. Guests also appreciate the convenience of shopping online.

The problem becomes: how to provide guests with a registry, without inviting a flood of unwanted stuff.

The Gift Of Travel

Many engaged couples are solving this dilemma by turning to online honeymoon registries, where guests can contribute to the expenses and activities of a post-wedding trip.

My husband and I were thrilled to discover the endless possibilities of a honeymoon registry. We’ve always connected with each other through travel and outdoor activities, and our guests were, for the most part, like-minded souls.

In fact, creating the honeymoon registry was by far the most enjoyable part of planning the wedding. After months of deliberation, mind-changing, and scanning discount airline websites for good deals, we finally decided to spend our honeymoon traveling through the National Parks and monuments of Southern Utah.

After we chose our destination, the next step was to find a registry that would enable our guests to contribute to our adventure.

Setup Your Registry

There are many options for online honeymoon registries, and they all offer slightly different services. Do your homework to find a reputable site; these are usually designated as members of the “Better Business Bureau’s Online Reliability Program,” meaning that they are accountable to an outside agency and are therefore less likely to disappear with your guests’ donations.

Most services allow you to set up a honeymoon webpage for your guests to visit, send out registry announcements by email or regular mail, and keep the donations in an insured bank account until you’re ready to “cash in.” They make their money by charging either you or your guests a service fee, usually a fixed percentage of each gift, though some depend on advertising revenue.

Other sites also offer travel agency services, allowing you to book hotels, airlines, and tours through their agents.

Popular services include HoneyLuna, Traveler’s Joy, Honeyfund and The Big Day.

Sites like Honeyfund are free, stripped-down services which allow you to create a basic registry, while those like HoneyLuna will research your destination, write descriptions of your items and activities, and book your travel.

Each is a slightly different service, so be sure to read the fine print to find the one that best meets your needs.

We chose Traveler’s Joy because we wanted to book the travel ourselves, and the service fee they charged (7.5%) was smaller than many others.

The fee was also not visible to gift givers at checkout – it was subtracted from the final check sent to us before we departed on our trip, so there was no charge to our guests beyond the item they selected.

We were also careful to look at a number of registries other couples had already created on the site, and to see what kinds of items or experiences were fulfilled and what had not been purchased.

What Works?

We noticed that the most successful registries were those that included a wide variety of price points, so guests on any budget could find a gift that suited them.

The less successful registries tended to be either too frivolous or too boring. One couple, to my amazement, registered “100 margaritas” for a five-day trip to Cancun (an astonishing 10 margaritas each per day), which guests did not purchase.

Another oft-ignored item was airfare, which suffers from a lack of romantic appeal. An airline ticket isn’t as exciting or unique as a night in a luxury rain-forest bungalow or dinner at a romantic restaurant.

The type of gifts most popular with guests were experiences that the couple would remember: a hot-air balloon ride, a guided kayaking trip, a sunrise picnic, or a bottle of wine to share on the beach at sunset.

These types of concrete experiences help guests feel like they are giving you a truly memorable gift, rather than just giving you money.

The Bounty Of Experience and Memories

We tailored our registry to suit the friends and family who generously contributed to our trip. Our more adventurous guests gave us a guided day of rock-climbing near St. George, Utah, a scenic mule ride in the Grand Canyon, and a power boat rental to cruise the sparkling waters of Lake Powell.

More traditional guests provided a post-hike massage at a spa in Zion National Park, handcrafted Navajo pottery from a shop in Moab, Utah, and a gourmet picnic dinner to share at Cedar Breaks National Monument.

Guests on a budget were able to help out with campfire s’mores, a hearty pancake breakfast, and a collection of National Park postcards. The registry was so popular that we received all but three of the items we requested, and we thanked our guests by enclosing photos of our adventures in thank you cards.

Trapped By Tradition?

Some guests might balk at first at the idea of a travel registry, thinking that it’s not traditional enough. However, I think our honeymoon registry allowed our guests to become a part of our trip.

To combat the mentality that frowns at a honeymoon registry, be sure to discreetly spread the word about why you’ve chosen this unconventional option. While it’s true that a china place setting is more permanent than a night at a Grand Canyon lodge, the memories you create on a honeymoon will last for a lifetime.

After all, once you’re back in the 9 to 5 routine and the confines of cubicles, you will daydream about the hike to Delicate Arch or the snorkeling in Hanauma Bay, not about silver napkin rings. Make the case in these terms, and even Grandma will soon be won over.

Haley January Eckels studied history and English literature at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec, graduating in 2004. She is based in Manchester, New Hampshire, and works as a writer and editor. Her overseas adventures have included a 750-kilometer pilgrimage in Northern Spain and a volunteer teaching position on Kili Island in the Marshall Islands. When she’s not reading, writing, or traveling you can find her climbing the local cliff or hiking in the White Mountains.

Not only does he make you laugh, but he’s also just as enamored as you are with hopping around the globe in search of amazing adventures. No longer will you be working the long-distance relationship; instead you’ll now be part of a traveling twosome.

Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? That is, until you find yourself not speaking on a twelve-hour bus ride or fighting your way up Kilimanjaro. There’s nothing like cancelled flights, squat toilets, overcrowded minibuses, or simply being stressed out in an unfamiliar place to expose our worst traits.

A week into a trip you might find the considerate gentleman you left home with has been replaced by someone less patient, more churlish, and a good deal smellier.

But don’t fret. Traveling as a twosome can be wonderful.

You’ll have someone to watch your stuff while you run around bargaining for a cab, someone to keep you warm in that tent on Kilimanjaro, and someone to commiserate with when that long-distance bus replays the world’s worst Bollywood film for the third time.

With the following advice in mind and the perfect partner in tow, you’ll find that the best way to see the world is together.

1. Pick A Destination That You Will Both Enjoy

Whether you have one week or one year, you don’t want to waste your time in a not-so-perfect place. Problem is, when traveling with your partner, defining the perfect place isn’t always easy.

You might be thinking white sands and turquoise waters. He, on the other hand, is imagining imposing mountains. You want art. He wants adventure. What to do?

First off, make individual lists of the top five places you’d like to go. If you’re lucky, you’ll both be eager to see at least one of the same places.

Not happening? Discuss what draws you to the places on your lists. Maybe you’ve picked different places, but your goals are similar. Still not even close to wanting the same thing? Then it’s time to get creative while remembering the golden rule of partnership-compromise.

There’s hardly a destination in the world where you can’t combine multiple interests. Egypt might immediately bring to mind thoughts of ancient history, but don’t forget the fine beaches of the Red Sea. In Chile, you can get active in Patagonia, then relax with fine wines in the Lake District.

2. Split Responsibilities

Nobody likes to think of travel as being work, but you’ll need to book flights and accommodations, figure out how to handle your money, and determine what to do with the house, the dog, and everything else being left behind.

While one of you may naturally be more of a planner, it’s not fair for one person to shoulder all the responsibilities. Figure out a way to share the load.

If you’re going to multiple cities, consider assigning all responsibilities related to that location to one person. You be the expert on Thailand, while he handles Vietnam. Or you handle hotels and let him book the flights.

How you split up responsibility isn’t as important as doing it.

3. Say Goodbye Every Once In A While

No matter how awesome your partner is, spending all day, every day with him (or her) can be a bit much. All those cute little things he does can, after too much togetherness, easily become big annoying things. So give yourselves a break.

Instead of dragging him through an art museum he’ll ruin with his whining, spend an afternoon alone, while he catches a soccer game in which you have zero interest.

On a longer trip, such as a year-long round the world adventure, consider splitting up for a week or two. You can go on that bike tour you’ve been eyeing while he learns to scuba dive.

The time apart will make future time together all the sweeter.

4. Make New Friends

At home, you don’t rely solely on each other for entertainment, so why do it on the road?

Part of the joy of travel is meeting new people, but it’s often harder to do so when you’re traveling with a partner, so go out of your way to be open and approachable.

Stay at a hostel (many offer private double rooms) where you can mingle with other travelers in the common room. Chat up a stranger at the bar. Book a one-day tour.

Once others realize that you’re interested in connecting, you won’t have any trouble making friends. Then, when that wonderful partner of yours is about to make you lose your mind, you’ll have someone else to hang out with until you can remember why you fell for him in the first place.

What tips do you have for couples on the road? Share in the comments!

Theresa Dowell Blackinton is a freelance writer and frequent traveler. In 2008 she will put her relationship tips to the test when she hits the road with her husband for a one year trip around the world. Visit her website, Lives of Wander, to follow along on their journey.

It becomes very easy to meet other people who are just as open and excited about the world as you are. This openness easily facilitates very genuine, romantic relationships to form between travelers.

I began my year of traveling just out of a three-year relationship, not looking for love by any means. As it always seems to happen, love finds you, no matter the corner of the earth you fly to. Love for this American girl came in a 6′4″ Australian-accented package. I came into the relationship with no expectations or judgments (the best way to look at life, if I may say so).

This hostel fling actually turned into a series of ‘convenient’ meetings for about eight months, and across two continents. Elizabeth Gilbert, eat your heart out.

Dating while traveling should be a prerequisite for marriage. Close connections are created more quickly and it’s easier to become quite intimate when you spend 24/7 with someone.

You learn about a person in a different style than when dating. In two weeks, you have most likely seen this person naked, and how they brush their teeth, cry, fart, argue, and (in my experience, I mean we’re talking India here) converse about bowel movements. And most likely they have seen the same of you.

Yet loneliness often comes hand in hand with the title ‘traveler.’

Love and Loss?

As anticipated, we went our separate ways. Though we were good at keeping in touch, and lucky to be in similar countries/regions so we could meet up and share more travels with one another, after a while I realized how impossible it is to convey genuine feelings through email. Besides the digital facts, love has a hard time with distance.

Distance: perhaps something we travelers have a love affair with in itself. But what to do with these love affairs we have on the road, out there?

To return from whence we came is usually unavoidable. Being passionate people, just because we have experiences away from our ‘real home,’ it doesn’t make them any less real. Just like the souvenirs for our little brothers and CD-R’s full of digital photographs, we want to bring what we can back with us.

It’s an avoidance of a certain post-partum depression.

If you can get beyond the sheer romantic implications of love on the road and perhaps convince some best friends or family members of it’s genuine-ness, is it possible to incorporate this person into your life at home?

While out there, sometimes it’s hard to imagine you are on the same earth that you left behind. Upon returning, there is an even stronger desire to connect with where you have released so much energy in the past few months; to share everything about your home with this other person.

Sending emails every few days, pictures of your home and friends, isn’t the same as cuddling in a beach shack in Goa. To keep the flame alive you have to continually live inside memories. When this happens, your energy is not centered, and reality can become confusing when there is too much attachment.

Learning to Let Go

The experiences you take from your on-the-road love affairs can help you take yourself a bit less seriously. Openness and detachment is always the best recipe.

Once you start denying yourself experiences at home, that’s when it’s time to realize maybe expending that energy isn’t worth it. Most likely, the other person wouldn’t want you to hindering yourself either, because that’s just not a traveling personality.

Perhaps we really need to learn the lesson that life is situational. By no means do I belittle these kind of relationships; I think they are some of the best ways to learn about yourself, and the nature of humans and love.

And truthfully, who knows? If I’ve learned anything from our unpredictable world, it’s to never count out any possibility. We are only in control of so much, like how many plane tickets we can purchase, and how many emotional emails we can send.

The only solution is to stop worrying and truly leave some decisions in the hands of the fates. I met my lover in Darjeeling, Goa, Italy and London…there’s always Bali.

Adena Harford is a freelance writer currently living in Brooklyn, NY. She spent the last year traveling throughout India and Europe, so she has acquired a deep well of stories. During her free time she practices yoga, writes poetry, and dreams about being on the road again.

Two weeks into my four month trip to Australia, I was sitting in Mission Beach with some guys at my hostel talking and playing drinking games.

In between rounds were the usual questions about countries of origin and travel plans, where we were from and where we hoped to go. As the game wore on and empty bottles began outnumbering full ones, talk turned to travel sex and with it came the revelation that I hadn’t yet had any.

The men feigned shock and started heckling me (good naturedly, of course). I laughed and threw up my hands, “I can’t!” I cried in defense, “I’ve caught monogamy!”

What I thought was a pretty good excuse drew essentially the same reaction from all of them, “So?”

One even went so far as to claim that three quarters of the women he slept with while traveling had boyfriends back home. They then asked how long I’d been gone, upon hearing my answer, one shook my hand while simultaneously shaking his head “Good luck with that” he said smiling.

Doing Time Without The Ball And Chain

I know I wasn’t alone in that situation. For many people traveling is an exciting opportunity to meet someone new, for others it is the beginning of many long weeks – or months – apart from the one you’ve already found.

And while you’ve already got the easy part of the equation (being the one leaving is always easier than being left behind) it’s still a tricky road to navigate.

First of all, it’s heartbreaking to leave someone.

The airport goodbye with the heart wrenching hugs and kisses, the looks that are the last for months, and the tears are because both of you know it. This kind of chosen absence leaves a different kind of emptiness.

Keeping in touch isn’t the hard part, as internet cafes are plentiful and you probably won’t ever be far from a phone. Calling cards are cheap and there’s always the old standby of a postcard or letter – slow, but a nice touch for the romance and nostalgia of getting something in the mail.

It’s not about infidelity either. Despite what the men in Mission Beach say, if you want to stay faithful, you will. You know what you have to do. You know the lines you’ll have to draw, the tightrope you’ll have to walk.

It’ll mean a lot of saying no and carries with it the potential of awkward situations when you do. It involves listening to another’s accent, as they try to convince you that staying faithful is cheating yourself out of the real experience of the trip.

It means being predictable instead of dramatic, but if you want to do it, you’ll do it.

The Balance Between Loss And Excitement

There will always be that nagging feeling that since you’re on the trip, you should be on the trip, not standing with a sweaty telephone pressed to your ear or typing an email that strikes just the right mix of sounding like you’re having fun but also missing them terribly.

It’s important to miss someone, to reflect on what they contribute to your life and how their absence affects you- good and bad.

It’s also a great way to reconnect with someone especially if you’ve been together a long time (this is why I am a strong believer in the occasional separate vacation).

However, you can’t spend your entire trip crying into your filthy hostel pillow or glued to the phone. You have to find the balance between loss and excitement. And that my friends, is the difficult part, striking out on your own while still managing to keep the home fires burning.

To put it plainly, it’s just a matter of doing it.

Choosing to stand outside a bar talking to the one back home, rather than in the bar talking to the ones you’re drinking with. Realizing that the few hours when your time zones overlap and are able to talk, are always the most inconvenient times of the day but making the call anyway.

Occasionally missing out on things where you are, to be part of moments taking place thousands of miles away. And occasionally saying no to someone you love, to say yes to yourself.

Making the sacrifices and the phone calls, writing the emails and making sure that flirting doesn’t go beyond flirting. It’s the same blend of compromise and compassion that makes a relationship work when you’re together.

Madeleine Somerville is a big city girl living in small city British Columbia, where she works as a newpaper columnist. She has travelled to Thailand and Japan and most recently came back from a few months of sun and sand Down Under.

It’s likely many of you have your own stories to tell of love and loss on the road. Please share in the comments!

Nicole was tall and blonde with a face that could be described as horsey if one were unkind. She had a long jaw and teeth that were too straight and showed too much gum when she smiled.

Her fun and vibrant nature however, more than compensated for these slightly equine attributes.

When she spoke her voice was loud and laughing, it carried so that everyone in the immediate vicinity could hear just what she thought of her meal or the man sitting across the room.

It was by listening to her loud conversations with girlfriends that I first discovered the game which has occupied my mind on every trip since, a game called 7-7.

The Young and the Clueless

I was sixteen and very naive, she was nineteen and we were in Chang Mai, Thailand on a group trip. We didn’t know each other, didn’t hang out much or speak to each other except to exchange pleasantries and ask for various items at the breakfast table.

We had spent the day with the rest of our group riding elephants to get to our destination: a small hilltribe village which was presented to us as untouched by modern life – despite the Timex watches and Nike shoes that peeked out from the traditional clothing worn by some of the villagers.

The entire group had moved to sit around a fire after dinner and we met the other travelers who had made the trek. Among them were a middle-aged couple clad in khaki, a couple on their honeymoon who looked irritable and exhausted and three men from England on their gap year.

There was a lot of flirting going on between Nicole and her friends and these young English men and near the end of the night Nicole was seen walking towards the river with the loudest of the three.

The next morning, in the hut the girls shared, we were in various states of undress preparing for the day ahead. Nicole was talking quietly in the corner with her girlfriends, when they all burst into laughter, “Nicooole!!!” one squealed, “I can’t believe you!”

She stood up still laughing and slapped her hand over her heart, started in on a mock rendition of God Save the Queen, only to collapse onto her straw pallet smiling with satisfaction, “Well, I’ve got Europe” she crowed, “only six continents, six men to go!”

Seven Continents, Seven Encounters

From what I could glean over the next few days, the game went like this: While traveling, one was to try and hook up with one person from each of the seven continents – hence 7-7.

Sex was not required, there were to be no repetitions, no substitutions and bonus points if the person was on their home continent at the time (i.e. a German in Europe).

To the best of my knowledge, no one has yet achieved the full 7-7. The problem you see, lies in Antarctica. No one has ever got Antarctica.

I lost track of Nicole’s progress on the Thailand trip, but over the years I have seen many women and even more men, attempt the full 7-7. I’ve even attempted it myself, though I played more on home-turf than is properly allowed.

North and South America are always easy, especially if you’re in a really touristy destination like Mexico or Europe, young American guys are easy and South American men are so sexual – think Enrique post mole-removal.

Europe is a cinch, you can always find a cute French or Irishman and if not, an Italian man will emerge and in such situations it almost always proves more difficult to resist their advances than to submit to them.

Asia has proved elusive over the years, although while in Japan I was flashed by a man on a subway – unfortunately I don’t think it would be kosher to claim that one. Africa usually ends up being South Africa since the accents are so delicious and thus, it really isn’t much of a chore.

An Unnatural Obsession

To date, I am still lusting after Antarctica, cursed place. It occupies my mind more than it should. The worst part is that barring an unforseen encounter with one of the literally hundreds of people living on that continent, I will never attain the full seven. This will irritate me forever.

Let my obsession serve as a warning to the rest of you, 7-7 is a cruel mistress.

7-7 is a lofty goal and it is not to be taken lightly. It requires a lot of time and a lot of effort, even occasionally, a lot of money – I see nothing wrong with wining and dining your way into one more continent if that’s what it takes.

But I for one, feel that it’s important to have goals in life and surely none can be more fun to attain than this!

And if, IF by some incredible feat you manage to attain the full score, the holy grail of international sluttery, drop me a line.

You will have earned my eternal respect and admiration and in return you can give me the name and number of your lover in Antarctica, so that I too might share in the glory.

Madeleine Somerville is a big city girl living in small city British Columbia. She has travelled to Thailand and Japan and most recently came back from a few months of sun and sand Down Under.